-- Since THE BOMB, I've encouraged H to drop our country club membership. -- I've consciously cut down on the shopping. -- I've kept my car. (In the past I've had new cars every few years.) -- I'm encouraging the sale of our home. (We were approached by someone interested in our home. It's not on the market. We should know within a few weeks if it is going to happen.) -- I'm encouraging a "lessor" home, if ours sells. -- I really do try not to "push." (THERE'S what I was looking for above. He says, I push and push until I get my way. Fair statement of my past.) -- I'm attentive to him when he's home, hopefully, without crowding him. -- I've also let him know that I understand the issue with our intimacy, own my part in the problem, and appreciate what we had (during good times) now. I think I've shown him I've done the self reflection, homework, and continue to desire him.
MB,
Just to let you know an outsider's perspective: I read a lot of "I'm encouraging him to..." in the above list. In light of your self admitted "pushy" behavior of the past, this still sounds "pushy" to me, you're just pushing the other way. Just let it go! Don't try to fix things by now telling him to drop the country club membership he didn't want, selling the bigger house he didn't want... Take it easy and stay put. If he comes up with the idea to sell the house or whatever, then tell him you totally agree if you want him to move in that direction.
I fully agree with the post above about the MLC. Those are the classic symptoms! And I can know because that's how I felt for a while a couple of years ago (my mini-MLC). I realized a while ago that dealing with someone in MLC is a lot like dealing with a cat: if you propose an idea, they won't want that. THEY have to think of it.... All you can do is be enthusiastic about good behavior.
Your H WILL come out of it eventually, I came out of it and started enjoying my hobbies again. Read over your list every once in a while and take ownership of those things. You can do it!
I agree with SAM..i think in a round about way you still push...you almost used guilt about the pier...I think in a round about way you still want to control things and just want it to appear to him that he is in control...
why not just sit back and let him drive the train for a while?...you can hold on to the ass end of it..
