Sandi I am not upset at you for being honest. Yes there is more to tell you about myself and my mother. This plays a part in why I am co-dependent maybe. It is a story I will post tommorrow, too long for tonight. You said it right when you said the anger I cannot handle. It's like I will do anything to have this man in my life and I think I may know why. I have been doing alot of revisting the past and just not my marriage, I am talking about my childhood. I will talk about that tommorrow. I will say this. Please dont think I am "sick" YET. Please dont jump to conclusion until you hear the story I am about to tell. After that maybe you will understand. I think I am starting to realize why I am so desperate for my xh's FRIENDSHIP at the least. I will say this...I think SOME and I mean just a small part of it is to do with the fact that I FINALLY found someone to love me and stick with me and I refuse to lose them for good, whether it be h or friend. Sad but true.
I had to add that this board can be helpful but at the same time VERY CONFUSING. I say this because many people have different opinions. I myself have had different opinions. I appreciate them all but at the same time its confusing. It is especially confusing to someone like me that is grasping at straws to learn why I am the way I am. A few people here, I cant even remember who, have told me that I need to show my xh that he can trust me again. That I need to take half the blame for what I have done. That I dont need to be upset with my xh, to look at this as an illness. Some have said to validate his feelings and be a safe place for him to land if he does. THIS is why I am trying to understand and NOT be mad at my h. I have took that route and then some here tell me that I am taking the wrong road. I am so confused. Be nice to him,,,,,be mad at him,,,,,what is right? Please dont get me wrong, I appreciate everyone's help and advice, its just WHO IS RIGHT AND WHO IS WRONG. When I think I understand and have the answer I get another person telling me "I am WRONG"
Sandi I will post more tomorrow. and PLEASE NOONE get offended by what I have just said. It WAS NOT meant to be disrespectful or offensive.
