True Love or True Fog? Changing Forums

[AliSuddenly]

Silver...your thread is like Sliding Doors ! (you seen that film?) Every single time he throws you an olive branch, you ignore it, you're too busy. I dont get it, why do you do that? Why are you too busy to have returned his call?

You seem very involved with work, from your posts and I am curious, was that an issue in your M at all? Did H feel that you made work your priority and he had to fit in around? YOu work for a school right, so I guess thats a very structured timetable year on year that you have to be committed to, but even so, you said...

"I didn't change my day and I didn't return the call. He never called back."

This just seems counterproductive to me. Ok, dont pursue, absolutely, but dont ignore his contact either.. if my bf ever contacted me, text, email, phone, I ALWAYS responded. I was consistently 'there', which is some advice I got in the early days about men in MLC.. they need reassurance and consistency, they are in a dark place. Its not hte same as the man that appears to be doing ok whilst he runs off with his secretary.. I believe going dark in those sitches lets them feel the full force of their decision (annoying young secretary v loving wife I walked out on).

I wouldnt write to him in an email "How about letting me know a day ahead next time so we can plan a meeting".. that sounds a little like a critiscism and also, will highlight his shame at being so cr*p and NOT being capable of calling you in advance or being normal in anyway. His life is chaotic and so is his behaviour, perhaps you should accept that.

I would return his call, being light and upbeat and vague about why you didnt reply, but acknowledge his call and thank him for ringing. Its a big deal that he continues to contact you, so I do wish you wouldnt keep rebuffing it!

Or, if you want to email, how about "Thanks for your call, it would have been good to chat with you, so sorry I wasnt able to reply on *day*. Speak to you soon, *Name*"

I'm reading along and hoping that you two get to talk soon. It doesnt surprise me that his insurance ran out and THEN he got appendicitis.. I thkn the universe is trying to tell him something and he is certainly being served some hard lessons.

The most interesting thing though was when he said "I can't keep imposing myself here (meaning living with OW"... wow.. sounds like the rosey glow has worn off that one then, or their R. It sounds what it is.. he feels, or she has made him feel, like he is "imposing", which isnt love, or a mutual living together arrangement.

I thnk you should ackowledge his bd, in a jokey, light, upbeat way and yes, dont make him feel guilty. Could you send him a funny e-card? Or email him a link to something, a story or video clip he might find amusing? Dont wish him "happy birthday" as that seems a bit trite considering the circumstances. How about, just .. "Saw this and thought you'd like it, on your birthday".. just acknowledge it.

Al xxx