It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, ((((BM)))

..... You keep emailing your h all your thoughts and from a db standpoint, it is not a good idea.

Does it count that he e-mailed first? And I really did mean it when I told him that that day should be recognized as a turning point for the better. When I wrote it, I felt pretty good about it because in my mind I was sort of attempting to take the "sting" out of it by turning it around...does that make sense?? You know, like name your enemy and they can't hurt you.....?? I meant it to be sort of "tongue in cheek". Like the other day when we laughed together about him getting a "young chippy" for new wife?? But, then after I sent it, and he didn't reply........ yep, second guessing myself.

I'm just no good at this DB'ing stuff really. I have report cards from kindergarten that all say "talks too much". The door between my brain and mouth is faulty and stuck in the "open" position!

..... He knows how you feel, you've written it several times in several ways so now I think you should step way back and give him a chance to go through what he needs to.

I know......but it's been a year since he moved out and he is further away than ever. Remember, I had gone very dark for some time from March thru May. Then when we talked before and after the lawyers meeting, he had seemed to say that he would think about trying again and that for him to be willing to do that I needed to be willing to "let go", and when I said "what did this meeting mean if not that I am willing to do exactly that". Then, I didn't talk to him at all for two weeks, and then when he contacts me about "the plan" I ask if he is still OK with going the "legal seperation" route, and he says he doesn't think he wants that anymore because he "wants closure of that part of his life".

So, now I am doing my level best to let him go and have told him that will not fight him on any more of this. I have stepped back regarding the dream house, and all of that (a huge thing!!) and told him I no longer begrudge him that and trust that he will do his best by me (and I do feel that he wouldn't do anything to deliberately "shaft me" financially).

I have truly dropped the rope and am trying to let go........it just hurts.