>>He sent me a video he took of baby. I didn't respond. It was full of "come to daddy. Give daddy a kiss. Daddy loves you".<<

You need to decide if you want him "in" baby's life or completely out of it? It seems like you complain about him wanting to spend time with her, and then you complain that he's not there.

>>Yuck. "Daddy is a loser"!<<

I wouldn't let her think, or know that (even thought he is a loser). She has half his DNA. Hearing negative things about her dad, and knowing she's half "his" may make her think she's a loser. Books about kids and divorced (or unmarried) parents always say that you should never "bag on" the other parent to your kid.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.