Hi Kaw! I've been following your thread and I see that you go back and forth with your W. I know how frustrating it can be. My H and I have been doing this for over 2 yrs. Like your W, when he's good, he's really good, and then well, um let's just say I wonder if I'm crazy to keep doing this with him. He's come back and I've thought ok ,we're on our way, and then he distances and I think, this time it's over. He's going to the OW and will D me. He's never said anything about D, but the threat of it is forever on my mind, and I wonder how long this can go on. My H is not bi-polar (that I know of) so that is not the reason. I could say it's midlife, but I'm not even sure of that. I just know this pattern persists, and I'm at a loss of how to break it. You've had to have an emormous amount of patience and stamina to withstand all you've been through, and I wonder if you can advise me through yet another break-away from H. He's distancing again, and I was wondering what do you do when CAW does this? Do you back off? He's not living at home, but we've been together for the last few months and he had been telling me he loves me and wants us and our family and now he's stopped with the ILU's and rarely emails me and even told me the other day he does not feel close to me at all. HUH??? In the past if I "went dark" we just did not see each other and he did not initiate any contact. When I make plans for us-he almost always says yes, and it seems to work to bring us closer. Now, we do things because I make plans and he is cordial, but the tenderness is not there-the spark is not there. Last night I was in a really bad place and let alot of steam out on Tal's and Sage's threads. It's from all the built up frustration of going through this over and over and not knowing what I should really do. Before the bomb, he was the most loyal, reliable, trustworthy H you could imagine. Everyone (especially me) was astounded over this turn of events. He says he does not want the OW and says he has had no contact with her. He's lied before about that. If he really wanted her wouldn't he have left me for her by now? (I mean REALLY left me, as in D) I've made a pact with myself to STOP doing two things. 1. Stop initiating all R talks. 2. NEVER mention the OW to him. I start out good when we first get back together and then my insecurities get the better of me. I've thought that talking my feeling through with him would only serve to draw us closer, but I realize now how detrimantal my actions have been. He leaves, but he always comes back. He loves me and then he doesn't know. He wants to be around me,then he doesn't. How familiar does all this sound? Besides stopping the 2 no-no's, what else do you think might help turn things around? I'm hoping that we don't have to go full circle again this time-that my changes are in enough time to start to swing the pendulum back in my direction. What do you think Kaw? Rachael
