I did call my father, brother and BIL for fathers day. Good. Do you know why I asked you that? I did not look at this as being manipulative. I looked at it as making her aware of the impact that it is having on the kids. Oh Gee Kev, you were just trying to teach her a lesson...you were just showing her that there are consequences to her behavior....gosh, NO ONE has ever said that here before..Nope, no one ever tried to justify their manipulation..you are SO different than other people are with their controlling manipulations...
Kevin, it's exactly like we said. It's a form of control & pressure, and pursuit, regardless, none of those things like teaching her a lesson, or showing her the consequences of her actions, ARE YOUR JOB anyhow...period.
Life and God do that, not you. And lest you forget, (again), you have plenty of your own work to do. I notice she doesn't spend any time reminding you of that. She has let you go and she doesn't go on and on about what you did wrong, or now need to learn and what she thinks you need to know about the kids, etc.
It's just not your job to be teaching her much of anything nor would she learn it from you even if it were your job. Why don't you get that?
If it came across as manipulative, then that was not my intention.
It did, and intent is irrelevant. Learn to see other POV's or you're doomed to this forever. Use some empathy, so you can realize how you come across. Maybe you'll get that tool from your c or AA or somewhere. But you need to get it.
It did not honestly look to me like she was putting it together though. I am not trying to control her or manipulate her.
Yes you are. See above. And so what if you don't think she is "putting it together". So You are reading her mind and then deciding what else should be in that mind...you just wanted her to think some things that you think...hello Kevin, THAT IS MANIPULATION and CONTROL AND PURSUIT...if that is not the definition, what is?
But I do think that she needs to realize the real impact of this.
Really? You think that? Then I guess YOU ARE TRYING TO SHOW HER...ever wonder if she thought you should have "realized the real impact of your past behavior..."?? At least she doesn't rub your nose in this and say "see what YOU have done Kevin!" Hey, while it may take two, you're lucky she doesn't throw things in your face that way. She could.
Ugg... Probably a big setback. And yes I did go to the C yesterday. And yes he recommended AA because they teach you coping skills there.
Kevin
Hope you go. And listen and implement- so that actual change occurs. Better happen really soon. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
