WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

One more thing.....about the 7 year old. Couples today talk way too much in front of their children. I can't imagine being 7 years old and worried that I would not have a place to live or how we would make it the next day. He is worried that mommy isn't coming home! That is heartbreaking. You may not have a job, sweetie, but you can offer your children security just by giving them your physcial presence and love. Reassuring them that they will be taken care of and both parents love them. That's all kids really want, to know they have both their parents and are loved.

Sandi,

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement in sharing what you and your family have gone through. This point in my life is a real trial to my charachter and faith, but I know that HE will not give me any challenge that HE has not prepared me for.

I do not have a lot of optimism in my marriage, but I still believe that it can be saved, but not without me being the man that I need to be.

I guess the silver lining in this cloud is that I am now spending more time with my boys that I have in years. I am doing all that I can to show them both that I love them and will always take care of them. My boys know that I will always provide a home for them - while it may not be the house that we have now, but even if it's just one room, we will make it home.

Ever since my cousin shared her insight of her greatest pain as a child when her parents divorced was being scared for her parents, I have tried to be VERY aware of what my boys (particularly my 7 year old) is feeling, saying and most importantly hearing and seeing. I know you have told me that as well.

This is part of doing the work for me, I need to make sure that I am the man that I want my boys to become because I know that they are watching me all the time. Whether or not my wife comes back is a secondary item as I will always be their dad. In my posts, it may seem like I focus on her alot, but much of it is because of my boys. I know the best for them is not to have to endure a seperation/divorce. I know that I can survive and thrive regardless of the outcome. I need to make sure my boys do as well.

So I need to continue to raise the bar and move my life forward. I need to live in the present and look forward to the future. The regrets of the past is the forgiveness I need to give myself. While I'm still working on that, it is getting better every day by choosing to forgive myself. I really appreciated that you shared your own story and pain in going through that as well. It is a real inspiration for me.

Thanks again for dropping by my situation again. I know you haven't been feeling well as well as being overwhelmed by request for sharing your insight and wisdom. I am glad that you are feeling better and hope that you stay that way.

Take care