Just learn from it at this point. I haven't read you thread, but you are recognizing that you have to do the work for no one but YOU. If you will do that, you will get your self confidence and dignity back. You will also find happiness and peace. There are still going to be dark times, but they will be fewer and less severe with time. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts.
So, you have to take the focus off your W...NOW. It is not going to be easy, and you will slip up, but that's ok. The people here will slap you back into it - I know b/c it happens to me.
If you can make your focus you, you will be a better person, father, and maybe someone you W would be crazy to leave. Again, you cannot control what you W thinks/decides/says/feels. That is a tough thing to accept, but it is a truth. If you do not accept that, then you are only hurting yourself. Stop worrying about what she thinks b/c it does not matter.
As I continue to re-discover myself, I have begun to like me again. The more I like me, the more I realize that if my W does not want a R with me, that's her loss and I know someone will. I don't want my M to end, but I know someone out there will love me and I her if that happens.
Once you focus your changing and effort on the only person you can control - you - you will feel better about yourself. As part of that process, you will come to realize another truth - no matter what, you will be ok. And you will. I am at this point now. That doesn't mean I do not get sad or I am unaffected by what my W says/does. It just means that I do not show her my reaction and that no matter what comes down the pike, I know I will make it.
Last rambling: You have to realize that your old M is done. It's over. And you can never go back to that R - and why would you want to. Becoming the new and improved Gardener is so you can prepare for your next relationship. Like me, I would imagine you want that next R to be with your W. That will be her choice. But the point is, what you feel sad about (and me too) is the sense of loss of an old M that was flawed - all of ours were or we would not be here. That's ok. What we are doing here is to change so we can have a new R that we hope will be with our spouses. Same person, but definitely a new R. But you cannot get there without doing the work...for you.
