Are we working our way thru this or are we just going around in circles. I just don't know ... I could some help on this one.
It sure is hard tellin' sometimes, ain't it?! I've ridden in the same boat quite a few times!
I think the main thing to look for is whether or not the "betters" are getting "better". It's tough when things are looking positve for awhile, and then they seem to slip back. Gets pretty frustrating, I know. I've gone through a lot of "2 steps forward, and 1 7/8 steps back". Makes it pretty difficult to keep track of, and remember, the progress you're making.
I think her journaling is a good thing. I've noticed with my wife that when she gets down in the pits for awhile, her journaling helps to take her a few steps forward soon after.
JJ
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i am with jj on this one. i would have to really examine if the goods are getting better than before. that would be the only thing that could guage this for you
to the outsider tho, it looks like forward progress
Frustrating is when I can't find my keys...I don't know if there's a word grand enough in the English language to describe this!!
BUT, I too see a definite pattern of improvement. You admit some of the "quality" you're seeing now has been absent since early Fall. And the time frames themselves sure seem to be working in your favour!
And as for who or what she was dreaming about...makes no difference. Even if it WAS him (ugh) think about it....who's the winner here? The guy actually with her or some phantom? ...the potential inspiration...or the flesh and blood man she giggles the shared joke with?
Quote: I've gone through a lot of "2 steps forward, and 1 7/8 steps back". Makes it pretty difficult to keep track of, and remember, the progress you're making.
So does that mean you now got a roadmap you can hand me to follow. Thanks again JJ. Your insight really does help me quite a bit and yea ... I've wonder if her journalling might be a venue to exorcise those thought from her head by putting them down on paper ... at least I'm trying to put that spin on it for my sanity at this time.
... and the real trick is find a gauge that I can read properly? The swings are so extreme. I mean when things get good ... they are GOOD ! There's nothing else I could want. It just doesn't stay ... they haven't been permanent. ... and for the cycle I posted, I can't decipher any kind of "pattern" that I can interpret as is this getting better or worse? ... probably because the "pattern" really isn't a pattern at all.
Anyway, I left out another big positive that I was leading up to but forgot to include yesterday...
- Tuesday, CAW started wearing her weddingband again and has been three days (including today) ... so the signs are there to say its becoming good again ... ultimately, can it stay that way?
Yes, she was diagnosed eight years ago. Started with Prozac, now she is on the generic - Fluoxetine 40mg twice a day.
She stopped counseling for the most part in the last couple of years, because she doesn't accept their POV if its not what she wants to hear, stating they just don't understand her. ... actually she become very cynical towards doctors and has become convince they can't help her, so its becoming increasing difficult for her to be willing to continue with follow up treatment.
Quote: So does that mean you now got a roadmap you can hand me to follow.
I wish I did, my man! I could sure use it a lot of times, too!
It seems to be a lot like the Lewis and Clark expedition, where I know that I need to head west to reach the Pacific Ocean, but I have to make some turns north and south to get around the mountains and rivers! (Or maybe it's more like that movie "Almost Heroes" with Chris Farley, if you've ever seen that one!)
I totally understand about the extreme swings. Personally, I've been trying to quit figuring out any "pattern" to them, and just try to deal with them (or NOT deal with them) as it comes along. I think a lot of DB'ing this might be in maintaining a fine-line balance of being consistent on your part, AND working your distance/persuit dance when needed.
My wife has a tendency to melt-down on a lot of reality issues. There was a long period of time when I "protected" her from most everything, just to avoid her having a major breakdown. However, this got to be really draining on me, and did neither of us any good. It's taken quite a few times of me stepping aside, "allowing" her to face some of the realities on her own, to make any progress. These are times where I've been seen as being "mean" to her, but she has eventually gotten over it (?), and we move forward.
I don't know if there is a way to really "stop" the swings, but I think the key is to look for things to not swing so far in the "bad" direction each times it passes the middle, and to not stay there for so long.
I don't know if any of this helps you, KAW, but take from it what you will.
That's a great positive about the wedding band! Do you think telling her how sexy her hand looks with it on, then just walking away with no further discussion, might be a good "positive behavior reinforcement"?
Hang in there, buddy!
JJ
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Problem is, Lithium, the main drug of choice, works for only 50% of folks with Bipolar. So the other half often do trial and error with combinations of other drugs.
If a person has a problem with rapid cycling between manic and depressed states, some antidepressants can make this worse.
I've ridden in the same boat quite a few times!
...the potential inspiration...or the flesh and blood man she giggles the shared joke with?
Thanks again JJ. Your insight really does help me quite a bit and yea ... I've wonder if her journalling might be a venue to exorcise those thought from her head by putting them down on paper ... at least I'm trying to put that spin on it for my sanity at this time.
... actually she become very cynical towards doctors and has become convince they can't help her, so its becoming increasing difficult for her to be willing to continue with follow up treatment.