It is not your job to make your W aware of things. You have no way of knowing how your kids act around your W when you are not there. For all you know they could be jolly and just fine. Or maybe not. Either way if they are NOT acting fine your W *is* aware and chooses to (A) do nothing or (B) not have the conversation with you.
So while your intention may have not been to manipulate or control you did just that becuase you DONT know what goes on when you are not around. What your kids tell you may not be what is actually happening. Trust me, kids know how to manipulate both parents during a divorce.
Instead of trying to make your W aware (control/manipulation) you should have just said... "W, D7 seems to be having some adjustement issues and I feel she needs to get back to counseling". Simple. You used an "I" statement and it was all you without any attempt to make her aware.
