Have a few minutes today and had to search deep in the bowels of this forum to resurect this thread.
Lately, I've gotten to read some others now here that seem to be going thru similar cycles of the spouse coming back to ... then turning away again only to repeat the cycle yet again. So, this inspired me to come back here to update my story...
- June, 2002, CAW decides to work on M after delivering bomb in Feb. Next six months are what I consider bliss (just dealing with my own demons during this time), until her usual holiday blues hit. However, her depression doesn't go away, but deepens.
- March, she starts up contact with same OM again.
- By May, she becomes so distant that it become pretty evident she's become WAS again. She leaves journals in my presence that she wants out and even writes a couple drafts of "I'm leaving" letter thru August.
- At the beginning of Sept., she does a turn around and makes an effort spending her time staying close to me and being affectionate / loving. The ILY's are still conspicuously absent.
- October ... the distance starts going again. Details of such are in earlier parts of this thread. In addition, at first, CAW was leaving her rings off for days at a time, saying it was because of swollen hands. The swelling comes and goes, so the rings would go on then off. By Nov, the rings stay off.
I last left off with a heart-to-heart talk with D18. I, too, was taken back with how brazen CAW was to D18 and I believe was a big factor when D18 quit, albeit she told CAW she found a better paying job. CAW was become more and more quiet and distant. I've gotten tired fighting the "current" any futher, just kept being the "new" me and resign to let whatever happens ... happen. She was gonna have to be the one to make the choice and act upon it. I became totally became disinterested (true detachment?) on where this leads to, afterall this is now the third go around as I'd feared at the beginning of this thread, but came a lot sooner than I had expected. (For what that's worth)
- Tuesday evening before TG-day ... CAW softens up and cuddles in during the evening. Tells me she wants me to stay home with her on Wednesday. ! We spend a quiet, snuggly day together. TG-day was spent at IL's. Had her weddingband on her finger. After the wonderful feast, she joined me on the couch and took and held my hand for as long as we sat there.
- Friday, CAW spent most of the day in bed not feeling well and she did take her ring off again. I busied myself with doing chores around the house. Saturday, starts off with CAW waking me up in the morning by bumping and grinding in her sleep while I was spooned behind her. Well ... I got playful with that and I ended waking her up. However, she was not aware of what she did at all, but took my word for it but didn't seem to pleased about how it ended up. As the day went on she became more distant again. At night I was watching TV in bed and when she came to bed, she pulled out that d@$n-blasted journal again for the first time in three months! I totally ignored her, but later ... yes I snooped ... same old ... same old "why can't I tell him I want out" but without any mention of OM tho.
- Sunday. Strangly, she starts to warm up again to me. Sits close to me ... takes and holds my hand some more while watching football game.
- As the week went on there were more and more baby steps. Lot more hand holding and cuddling. Thursday, I was greeted with my first embracing hug since Sept.
- On Saturday morning, I was awaken again by bumping and grinding in her sleep, but this time she had awoken herself up. When she realized what she was doing, she broke out laughing and said this time she remember she was dreaming, then she continued playing out the dream.
2x4 time: She never said it was me in her dream. I can't help but wonder if she was dreaming about OM?
However, she kept giggling throughout the day about the way she woke up in the morning.
- Monday after work, I received not one but TWO passionate kisses from CAW. The first in two months, continuing two weeks of overall steady progress of CAW drawing closer.
but its getting harder for me to think this is going somewhere?...
6 months of closeness ... 6 months of distance ... 1 month of closeness ... 2 months of distance ... 2 weeks of closeness ...
Are we working our way thru this or are we just going around in circles. I just don't know ... I could some help on this one.
! We spend a quiet, snuggly day together. TG-day was spent at IL's. Had her weddingband on her finger. After the wonderful feast, she joined me on the couch and took and held my hand for as long as we sat there.
However, she was not aware of what she did at all, but took my word for it but didn't seem to pleased about how it ended up. 
As the day went on she became more distant again. At night I was watching TV in bed and when she came to bed, she pulled out that 
I totally ignored her, but later ... yes I snooped ... same old ... same old "why can't I tell him I want out" but without any mention of OM tho.