Where to start?

[dmkdmkdmk]

Let it go......

These are things he will SEE, not have you tell him about.

His curiosoty is up, don't kill it......

He's got some things to figure out......let him.

How are YOU doing.....not him or the M......YOU ?

Good advice I just don't want him to think I'm "losing it" and therefore throwing a ton of money away on stuff. (It was VERY REASONABLY PRICED furniture... I'm a bargain shopper.)

I don't want him to think the furniture has anything to do with him.

I am doing well. I have the least amount of anxiety that I've had in years. I am living, "accepting the things I cannot change and changing the things I can". I'm enjoying all of the moments as they come. It's slow, and it's uncomfortable, but I know I have a future I can look forward to with or without H. The changes in me are worth all of this trouble.

I know I have the best parts of him anyway, with me, every day. They wake me up in the night by rolling around in my belly, or they jump up to greet me with "Hi Mommy!" in the morning.

[dmkdmkdmk]

And I'm trying to remember - I have his attention... I am surprising him... I am not "same-old"... I wear make-up and nail polish, and pretty dresses and shoes, and I'm not always where he expects me to be.

He has complimented my appearance more times in the past three weeks than he has in the three months before - of course, that directly reflects how often I would dress up or try to look nice in the three months before.

[dmkdmkdmk]

So here's something else I'm thinking about & could use input...

I didn't email him - and we talked briefly when he was on a break so he could find out when some repairman is coming tomorrow and when our appointment is happening.

I'm thinking - should I ask him why he thinks I would use tears as a weapon last night. We weren't fighting about anything. I'd had a hard day. I'm almost eight months pregnant. Ten of my coworkers were laid off yesterday. It's 99 freaking degrees outside. I cried at the movie Happy Feet because I felt so bad for a cartoon penguin.

I want to know what he thinks I think I have to gain by crying, or using any other type of "tactic".

I guess I put my weapons down three weeks ago, but he still has his shields up...

Do I ask?

[Ready2Change]

My POV:

I feel he doesn't understand how to be compassionate. He is taking your tears personally instead of holding you and being there for you.

I know I had to go through my divorce to learn how to do that. I have grown a lot during this process. I believe men are "trained" not to be compassionate. During this difficult time in you life, you should lean on your girl friends if needed.

You need to decide if you want to ask him. If you do, make sure you word it in "MAN TALK". Post your question to him here and we can give guidance....

HUGS

[dmkdmkdmk]

My POV:

I feel he doesn't understand how to be compassionate. He is taking your tears personally instead of holding you and being there for you.

I know I had to go through my divorce to learn how to do that. I have grown a lot during this process. I believe men are "trained" not to be compassionate. During this difficult time in you life, you should lean on your girl friends if needed.

You need to decide if you want to ask him. If you do, make sure you word it in "MAN TALK". Post your question to him here and we can give guidance....

HUGS

Too true. His mom is a master manipulator, so I think this affects his outlook as well. His comment was "How do you think it looks when you are perfectly calm when I tell you I don't want to be married anymore, but you burst into tears when I ask you about the furniture purchase?"

I simply explained that I had a difficult day, that I was still pregnant, and I didn't really expect him to understand the hormonal aspect of pregnancy. He wasn't there for my first one, and he pretty much hasn't been around for this one either.

I don't think he does well with being compassionate either. He was very supportive last year when my brother died, but in the past it's been very hard to get him to "be there" for me when I was going through something difficult.

I have great girlfriends I don't even need to talk to them about this stuff, just hanging out and eating sushi or pancakes or whatever and gossiping does the trick! To do this I can't get into their mindset where they thing H is a total moron for doing this, and if I sit around bitching about it, that's where I'll be.

OK, "man talk"...

H, why would you think I would cry to manipulate you at this point? What would I have to gain by doing that as opposed to what I would have to lose?

Too "female"?

[Ready2Change]

H, why would you think I would cry to manipulate you at this point?

So H believes that you cry to manipulate him. THAT IS HIS POV. I don't think you can change his POV. Just understand and respect that for now.

What would I have to gain by doing that as opposed to what I would have to lose?

I would not ask him those two questions. I would not cry in his presence. I would ACT AS IF I was happy with or without him. It is hard as HE!! but gets easier with practice.

If the issue comes up in the future....

"H, I am sorry that you feel I am manipulating when I cry. I cry when I am sad."

[dmkdmkdmk]

Easier said than done, LOL, I cry when I see sad penguins in cartoons. I can't wait to not be pregnant anymore!

Although, I have NOT cried about the R in front of him in over a month. I have barely cried at all this month, or even felt like it. I'm having too much fun. I'm not sad about the R right now, I know I'm doing the best I can for me, for DD, and for V 2.0. I know he ultimately wants what is best for DD and 2.0 as well, which is why he is cooperative with counseling and "working" on this.

I kind of want him to know he only occupies a certain amount of real estate in my mind anymore - he gets his 45 minutes a day when he's over playing with DD, and then I'm back to what I was doing before.

[Ready2Change]

It is OK to cry about the sad penguins. You are an emotional being. Enjoy NOW. Enjoy being pregnant. You have a new life in you. It has to be an amazing feeling. Of course you can feel however you want. It is your choice. They are your feelings. I just know I am controlling my thoughts, words and actions in a positive way and I feel better.....

HUGS

[dmkdmkdmk]

LOL, I am actually enjoying being pregnant for the first time in months, but it is sooooo hot outside right now that I'm ready to be done. I would love to put my feet up and enjoy a nice, refreshing mojito! 99 degrees and humid... I will settle for some popsicles.

Remember what it's like to hold a squirmy newborn? Imagine that, but in your stomach Think "Alien"... I actually can't believe I'll be holding her in my arms in about seven weeks. It's unfortunate that things are going the way they are between H and me right now, and that he's missing out on all the fun along the way - he doesn't get to feel her kick and roll, he doesn't get to hear her heartbeat at the doctor's appointments.

I hope that this is something that can help to draw us closer together, when the time comes, rather than the stress pushing us apart as it did with our first. I'm well aware of what I need to do differently this time around.

[dmkdmkdmk]

OK, didn't say a thing, just kept it light. He was only over for half an hour before he hurried DD up to bed and took off. Reminded him to be back around 7 so I could go to work, and that he should drop off DD at my mom's around 1 and meet me at work to make our MC appointment tomorrow.

Wish me luck!