total quarter life mlc

[Sanderika]

Hi mdoodles,

I just finished reading your other thread.

You could be me.

Your H could be mine.

Let's stop beating ourselves up for loving them and having hope.

I am sorry for your finances in such a mess.

I am totally sympathetic to your sitch. My H comes and goes too.

We have few differences. We have been married a whole lot longer and we are quite a bit older than you two. Our son isn't a little boy any longer, a teenager now.

Our stories are very much the same though. There is an answer to all of this. I am very greatful for the advice, however I know in my heart I am the only one who can fix the problem.

The problem is I don't like the answer. I want my H home very badly. My loving him and wanting him home isn't enough to bring him home right now. My H is in a MLC like yours and until they complete this journey on their own, they are truly incapable of being in a committed relationship with anyone. They are unable to be responsible fathers.

The OW are not what they want either. The OW are merely a place away from here. They represent fun and freedom from their responsibilities. Very few of these Relationships last. They can't, they are based on lies and deceit. I believe that they really want us, only are afraid to recommit. That would be too easy and they have their images to uphold. Right now they are interested in being free to choose and behave 17 if they want.
They do not recommit out of fear same as we do not demand they leave us for good giving the lifestyle they are living....fear.

I don't have the answers. I know what works with my H. I have known him since I was 15.

My H just called me, I answered the phone. He was polite and wanted to know where son was. We chatted about that and only that. I thought perhaps we could talk a little bit more, H cut off the call saying he had to do something. I was very upbeat and friendly. I was disappointed in the call. I did not let that on. H merely said "OK, I gotta go now and do ( ). I'll catch you later". Not exactly the treatment I would expect from a man who supposedly wants his M and is looking to reconcile it by July 24th. Whatevah!!!! NO EXPECTATIONS!!!!

We can't fix these issues alone. It takes two to break up a marriage and it is going to take two (fully COMMITTED with LOVE,
TRUST & FORGIVNESS) to reconcile it. They need to leave the OW with NO CONTACT for good.

I find the best thing that has happened from all of this is I found myself again. I am fantastic and a real gem. I am worth coming back to. I like myself again and people enjoy being with me. If H can't grasp what he's giving up how can I do more? I have given my H 46 months to figure this out. It's not up to me anymore. I have done all I could do to save this marriage.

I also believe that sometimes a couple needs to D to reconnect. In my case it might be just the answer. H needs to lose and feel loss to learn from his mistake.

I have no desires to enter into a relationship with anyone else. This has been such a painful experience for me. It has made an impact on me forever. I will never be the same person again, being able to freely trust and feel safe and secure. I have grown through it, there is a price that was paid.

There will come a day like they say when we will have had enough and the answers will be obvious. Until then let's just take it slow, be good to ourselves and those we love and hope for a brighter tomorrow free from these burdens.

My thoughts are with you,

Sanderika