Coming back out of guilt would be pointless because it would dissipate and she would just leave again. There is no point in her coming back out of guilt. It has to be because she wants to come back just like you say. I would actually be worried if she came back out of guilt and I would be wondering how long that would hold out. There has to be something other than guilt that makes her want to come back for me to feel more comfortable about the situation.
I am not trying to guilt her. I am trying to inform her. I could not depend on her if she came back out of guilt.
Kevin
Whatever...Who are you kidding? You told your wife what d7 said, to manipulate your wife in SOME WAY, and that is just a fact. The more you try to manipulate, ironically, the more you lose any control of your own life and the more you actually hand HER control. You are the one doing it. So Get control of your life/behavior and use that control to show some restraint/control.
True, guilt won't make her return but you tried both guilt and extortion before. When you "exposed" her A, you didn't merely reveal it to her family, (and they blamed you for the M problems already) you threatened to tell OM's family unless she stayed with you and broke it off...That wasn't successful was it? And you have pulled several "the girls are crying/sad/needy/miss you/I miss mommy tell her" stunts to guilt your w. You thought that those were olive branches or "just information" she needed but didn't already have? Come on...don't waste our time with foolishness. You have used manipulation and "unloving" methods before, and don't even seem aware of it.
I would not bother w/ fearing the past again so that you can writhe in self loathing about it b/c it is pointless and again, it casts you as some sort of helpless victim. It's done. Let it go -- but Don't make the same error again.
You also judge her parenting harshly but you are the one who thought his "own family was a burden and that [you] would be better off without having them around" so you could (presumably) drink some more..." (your words). That is also why she and her family feel you already had your chance. The more and longer you cast yourself as the abandoned victim, (saying you cannot "Understand why she won't give the m a chance"... the longer & harder your journey will be.)
Get control of your own behavior and mouth, and work on you. Leave the results to God and please please, stop making the exact same mistake again and again. Learn something. Change some behavior.
What do you need from us Kevin? I don't like giving 2 x 4's nearly as much as you seem to want to get them. I doubt CG/ PMA/ Puppy or Stuck do either (sorry if I missed anyone still posting here). We want to see some change, not just some wonderful but intermittent insights that are then followed by the same old behavior.
No more manipulating your d's or your wife or trying to control outcomes (you will hear this at AA meetings if you go and listen...) and no more obsessing about what you cannot control (you will also learn the serenity prayer at meetings and I hope you'll live by it b/c that is the road for you, to some peace within).
Did you call your own dad on Father's day? Or congratulate your brother on finally becoming a dad? Do you know why I am asking you these questions? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
