Don't Let Them Eat Cake

[In Limbo]

Been offline a week and it feels like a lifetime!

MC last week was terrible. Once MC asked H if D was what he planned and H responded "it's headed that way" (he has still never said the D word), MC spent the rest of the time talking about Lawyers, dividing stuff, etc even though we kept trying to steer him back to discussing the kids and how to help them through this. Conversation after MC was not productive - H still focusing on the past and thinking I'm insulting him by saying he's been unfaithful (emotionally), insisting that OW is a friend only. I may be crazy, but I believe that if someone is only a friend, there's no need to hide that from co-workers, spouses, other friends, etc. I'm just so sick of it. Sorry, just need to vent. There are many days when I still want to confront her and her husband both and then let it ride out from there. If it's truly just friends, then what would be the problem with making sure they both know everything? Wouldn't change anything between us (would just make H furious), but I'm just so sick of the secrecy and lies - let's just get this all out in the open like adults why don't we?!?! UGH! Vent...vent...vent!!!!

I ended up going with H and the boys to the beach so that H would not be driving them around without a license out of state. Ok, again I caved and H didn't have to suffer the consequences of his actions. I always enjoy the beach but this trip was difficult being down where we've always vacationed as a family and not really being a solid family any more. I really need an attitude adjustment (obvious from the above rant). I'm having a really hard time with PMA lately and I think it's tied to the fact that as I look at how things are right now, I'm falling into old patterns that lead toward depression and low self esteem and letting H run all over me. Since he decided to stay in the house it's been so difficult and I've let myself get off track the past week or so especially. I feel myself withdrawing from friends and family and need to do something to break out of this quick.