What's it really all about?

[AlexEN]

But just don't expect them to "get it" now.

I promise you the DONT get it. They cant. Their little grey brain cells are programmed to NOT get it. Period.
What is your goal: "bye bye have a good life, be well so that my kids have a mother" type of letter? What it is? Trying to sound determined?

And when we say vulnerability and detachment dont assume you have to SHOW vulnerability at all phases. Just keep your heart vulnerable. It may be productive to show otherwise to your W, but INSIDE, keep that spark alive.

Anyway, my H responded well to "have a nice life, sure I want you to be well and find a nice woman to make you happy but you are only the father to my kids for me". And I was sweet, no emotion, polite and short. Of course he bought it when I truly meant it... Talking about a mess!!!!
K

Kalni,

Fair question...

My goal in writing:

- Letting go; letting her know I accept, but do not agree with her decision;

- I understand and accept my (portion of) the responsibility of how we got where we are;

- Reminding her that I do not want to be her "best friend";

- Presenting my belief that whether or not we are ever friends again is irrelevant at this point time, we still have to be "friendy" (to use SP's word) to co-parent;

- That means we each have to let go of the power struggle and try to communicate better than we have and to try to begin to trust each other for the sake of communicating and trusting alone, not to save us, or our marriage, because I have let go of that.

Kind of harkens to today's thread at Smiley's Place about "accepting" and not "notgivingashit" while remaining vulnerable...

I couldn't agree with you more about "keeping your heart vulnerable"; that's what I was trying to get to in my long post on Smiley's board today... and what I refuse to give up now that I've found it while doing my Work on Me.

See, you do express yourself in our tongue better than most of us do... especially we wordy ones.

-AlexEN