d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

Grace,

Thanks for keeping me in track. I really felt good about the meeting w/town board. Alot of people there and I never said anything to hurt anyone. I only spoke of the troubles that has been associated with that place that he frequents.

I told everyone that I love my husband and my family and I will try my hardest to keep us together. (at the meeting)

But you were right, it got back to my H and he said he was almost ready to call off the divorce but now he's going ahead. I told him to come over and I'll let him read the letter that I read outloud. It was over a renewel of a liquor license. And I opposed it, because with the alcohol and the establishment together it ruins families.

I told him I'm sorry, but I will fight for my family to stay together. The guts of me to get up is nothing short of a miracle. Of course I had nothing to lose. I felt like I already had lost my family. I also told him that the town are the ones coming to me telling me how sorry they are to hear about our problems, and they see his vehicle at the place all the time. I told my H the same thing I told the people who came up to me in these past months. I love my husband and my family and hopefully we can find a way.

Who knows anymore. In my heart he just said that about dropping the divorce to get even with me. He loves to play mind games. Says he Loves us, then don't hear anything from him.

I guess I'm just tired, and stressed. Yesterday I mowed the lawn (3 hrs.) and alot of trimming with my electric weedwacker for around the house. Well my D4 was in the house calling for me and I sat the weedwacker on lawn. Took care of her, came outside and just read a nasty text from H. Stressed from all of it I bent down and hit the trigger on weedwacker and the strings wrapped around my legs. My D4 freaked out and I know I was prancing around. Those things really reek havoc on the weeds and they sure do on skin too. Still in alot of pain today but at least its only from my knee down to my ankle.

Way to stressed, between lawyer calling or daycare calling me with questions lately. I feel about ready to crack !!

Take care Grace and I hope things are going ok for you.

[Grace_O]

misshim,

I told everyone that I love my husband and my family and I will try my hardest to keep us together. (at the meeting)

I know you mean it, but I have to say i think this should have been omitted from what you said at the meeting. I know it's a small town and everybody know everybody and generally way too much about their lives. Esp. now, he probably feels like the bad guy anyway (and I know you think he is), having everybody lining up to agree with that does no good. It won't bring him home. He needs to be shown compassion (yes, I do know how hard that is), esp. by you. When you remind him about how your willing to "fight" for your family etc, it may just be reinforcing that he isn't "good enough". Let it lie.

Who knows anymore. In my heart he just said that about dropping the divorce to get even with me. He loves to play mind games. Says he Loves us, then don't hear anything from him.

Do you really think it's mind games? Sounds to me like alot of people who vascillate. Don't latch on to every word or action.

Yes, I know your spinning and I know how hard all that I'm asking you to do is, but is what your doing helping?

The stress is a real nut cracker. Make sure you take good care of yourself, eat well and get plenty of rest and please exercise. I am in no way shape or form the fitness queen, but I can't tell you how much it helps.

Sorry to hear about you leg, hope it feels better soon.

Take care. HUGS

[Grace_O]

misshim,

How are you holding up today?

[misshim]

Hi Grace,

Not doing so good today, I try to remain calm in spite of losing H. Today (wednesday)I have to go to the register of deeds office to file the change to our Quit Claim Deed to the house. He told me all along that I can have the house, he doesn't want it. My lawyer said, go ahead and file the change (he even signed the deed over). I really dread going, seems like another nail in the coffin.

Lawyer sent him a letter that he needed to send her his financial statement paperwork (she's been asking for 2 months. He still hasn't done it. He won't sign agreement either, agrees with everything except paying 1/2 lawyer fees.

I didn't want to fight with him, but I told him he wanted this divorce, and I have paid the L alot so far, and I need money back for my LP for winter heating. He didn't say anything.

Then out of the blue last night he started texting me about his work and how hot it was outside. Also offered to come fix my push mower one of these days. He has D4 this weekend and then monday is it. I want to cry, but have to stay stong.

Miss going for walks with D4, but my leg not doing so good. And it's just way too hot out. I pray for stength because I feel like I'm being sucked down with all of this.

Time will tell. H picking up D4 from daycare today and bringing her home @ 6 pm. Who knows if he'll even talk, but I will just put on a happy face.

Have a good day.

[misshim]

Maybe a foolish dream request. I have to ask because I'm so anal and don't want to ask my lawyer. Divorce is set for June 29, 2009 @ 3:30pm. Could my H stop the procedure at that time? Not sure if he will but I'm just asking. Funny how strong I can be with day to day stuff but I'm scared, really scared.

[K4D]

Yes he could stop the D. The judge will grant that if he chooses to and you are in agreement as far as everything I have ever seen.

The question isn't can he stop it, but will he stop it. Do you have any reason to believe he might? Have you seen any changes lately that might suggest he will? I haven't read your sitch yet but saw your question.

K4D

[misshim]

Thanks for answering,

Somedays I think he might, then other days I don't. I'm really not sure. But I think I blew it last wednesday by going to a town board meeting to oppose the liquor license of the stip club he frequents.

He told me he was going to reconsider until I went to that meeting. I kind of doubt it. He said now I ruined his name in our small town. I really didn't, he did that himself. I offered him to read the letter so he could judge if I "ruined" his name.

Anyway, Thanks for the help. I pray and cry alot but I'm trying to be strong.

[K4D]

I think you did great. Keep up your faith. Keep praying and working on you. God can carry you through anything if you just trust in him.

Kevin

[misshim]

Last night my H dropped off our D4 @ 6pm. He had to go to look at buying a truck. (Funny our divorce paperwork says neither party is supposed to buy anything over $500.00 until divorce final) I never said a word, except good luck.

He hung out for 1/2 hour. I noticed him staring at our family picture I've had out for 3 years. He wouldn't talk but I'm used to that. When he goes to leave he hands me $20.00 to take D4 to our little town park. Every wednesday night there is baseball, volleyball, and horseshoes, and the fire department cooks. I thanked him for the money.

He's standing by the door and I walked up to him to say bye. He gives me the biggest hug and rubs my back. D4 came running up and said hug all of us daddy. He did, my heart sank.

Then he tells me that it's so hot upstairs at his parents house that he's not sleeping well. Our house has central air conditioning. He asks, when he was done - doing whatever he was going to do besides buy the truck - could he maybe text me and come over and spend the night in the air conditioning.

I didn't know really what to say. My anger in the situation wanted to say no, but my heart wanted to say yes. I just told him if you are uncomfortable text me and we'll go from there.

I'm kind of glad he never texted me last night because then I didn't have to worry about how I was going to answer his text (of course I slept with my phone)

H is so confused (I am too) this is our last "married" weekend coming up. I'm really afraid that he'll want to stay the weekend at our house with our d4. On "his" weekends they are supposed to spend weekend where he lives (by parents). His weekend w/D4, he usually wants to stay at our house. (of course, I'm there to watch D4 and he can nap or whatever) but funny when it's my weekend with our D4 he is no where to be found !!

People tell me he's just nuts, get rid of him since he wants to divorce you. But I know in my heart that he's going thru alot of stuff. Old feelings, new feelings, he's confused.

I feel bad but come Monday if d - is final, there will be no hanging out, no praying at night with us, no tucking in D4 and sitting and watching TV. I just can't do it anymore after that day. My emotions are so rocky right now. I don't want him to see me cry. I try to always act "happy" with him. He knows I love him no matter what, but that's not enough for him right now.

Boy am I depressed. --- deep breath, move on

[misshim]

Thursday night didn't go well with H, we were texting back and forth. He told me he couldn't wait until monday (divorce date) boy that sure hurt me !!. I told him I'm sorry our marriage meant nothing to you. I wished him luck with his new future. I think he's pimping (as they say, I'm still not sure what it means)

I did ask him then why did he want to come over and "stay" and pray and put our daughter to bed. He said because he had nothing else to do and he thought he was just being nice and helping me out. There was alot more he said but I'm too hurt and stressed to type it out.

I admit I give in, bring the divorce on. We never could really talk about any issues in our marriage, and this seperation instilled it.

This might be my last post here. The weekend is dial up connection which doesn't work well. Monday is the divorce or pre-trial date and I'm off work monday and tuesday.

I'll check back maybe Wednesday with status.

Thank you all for your advice. I tried to save my marriage but I know I can't compete with his stripper friends. He has been seen in another small town with girls surrounding him and he's handing out cards of some sort. Who knows what is going on. He has a 2 seater cargo van and he wants to put 2 rows of bench seating in there. I thought that he might be driving his "girls" around. I just told him that's a good idea, nothing more. I care but I don't.

He's 37 years old going on 15 years old and I'm tired of being his mom and tired of his hurt. I gain stength with all of you here and praying.

I haven't been here long posting but I have sure learned alot.

Thanks to all !! (especially Grace)