@CityGirl wrote: I do feel that when a totally new R happens (i.e. one that is not with your W) the "new rules" of a new R seem to happen in a more organic and natural fashion. IMO (or at least in my experience with my H) that is where the WAS finds it to be too much work because they have not done the work.
I have been pondering the same thing. In a completely new R, finding similarities and agreements is fun, easy and exciting. Example of a first date "Wow! You like Chinese food!! Hey, Me Too!! We have SO much in common!!" Now picture the same conversation while trying to build a new R with the WAS. You have already covered all of the light, simple things to talk about and easy ways to find common ground. Now to progress you have either avoid any truly relevant topics, or talk about the difficult, important things that you have avoided talking about in the past. This leaves the WAS feeling either bored or stressed depending on how the conversation goes. Since they are not doing The Work themselves, they run away.
You are not there yet. It can happen and the truly relevant topics get discussed and worked on. For us it happend at a truly remarkable speed complete with speed bumps but hey I can handle it. I think it is important that you show your spouse how to do the work (lead). That is truly a loving and marvelous gift to give anyone. Plus it shows you taking care of yourself, which I am told is very sexy. Stay patient you are doing great. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
