Originally Posted By: Orich
Up until now, I was basing everything on her being mildly screwed up in the head, and that if she fixed that, we could be fixed. Now I don't know what to think except of course that she is done with me.


Orich,

I know that you're probably reeling right now (I was), but you need to know that there is a strange UPSIDE to finding out that your spouse is having an affair. Affairs are highly ADDICTIVE, and it's very likely that very little of what she's been saying to you about not being in love, all of your faults, etc., is nothing more than typical wayward "re-writing of marital history." Her brain is awash with chemicals right now, and they distort her view of you and of everything she's running away from.

It will also help you to remain compassionate towards her if you can think of her as being an ADDICT.

Don't get me wrong, it doesn't excuse her behavior -- this was her daily decision-making -- but it does help EXPLAIN it.