So I am getting better, but it is really hard to separate listening and understanding, from my own personal feelings of defensiveness at being attacked.
I used to have to respond when I felt attacked. Then I learned here that if your W is angry then she is still attached and that her anger needs to come out for her to see me as listening and understanding her. So the first couple times all I could was just stand there and think (OK this is good!??!) and after a while it subsided. That's called your spew raincoat it makes you able to withstand the onslaught and stay dry inside. Eventually I detached enough to really listen and keep a dialouge going. I had plenty of screw ups but I knew that anger was good so I didn't care. Plus it was movement. Make sense?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
