KAW..we are falling way down on the list...sorry that your anniversary was not what you had hoped for..but you did not expect too much either...this roller coaster is making me tired and I am not sure if i want to ride it anymore..at least not here on the bb..I do want to continue with changing the things I need to for me, but if h is already determined that our m is not savable, then I guess I have to go along with it..I want to remain friends with him..but am not going to keep hoping that he will all of a sudden decide that he wants me again...maybe I have been trying too hard or not hard enough..
sorry that I stole your thread....I don't know what the answer is when one of the s does not seem to want to work at saving the r...we both seem to be stuck..nothing really bad happening, but nothing improving much..except ourselves that is..
Thanks Sue for the bump and the support. Yes, I have been feeling stuck. Just don't know what to do or where to go from here, so I've been just keepin' on and saying so be it ...
Tuesday night, I had to give D18 a ride home. She got tense, then said "I don't how to bring this up, but I think Mom is planning on leaving again and I don't want to see you hurt again." This led to an hour and a half discussion which I won't bore you with the details. She pretty much confirmed most of my suspicions I've posted here, but at least she believes they haven't restarted anything physical.
I been feeling like pretty much giving up on M and letting whatever happens ... happen.
Then on this lunch break, I read MAL's post to Cathy:
Quote: This is the time when he needs your love the most!! I know it's hard when you feel betrayed, when you don't trust him, and when he keeps hurting you. But YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
KAW, I don't post on piecing much, but I really felt something in common this past week with Cathy, having been where she is. It is very confusing and painful.
Then I saw your reply on her thread, and thought I'd stop by to say hello. And what do I find? Another reply to me.
I can not tell you how much it means to me that you found something in my post. Thanks! There are so many times when I don't know how to help here on the bb, and I cannot relate to the pain. I'm happy to hear that it helped you.
I remember you from months ago, but since I haven't been in Piecing much lately (not like I was back when I still had high hopes for my M), I am behind on your sitch. But I will try to keep an eye on you, if only to stop by and say hello.
Take care, MAL
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
{{{KAW}}} You said: She pretty much confirmed most of my suspicions I've posted here, but at least she believes they haven't restarted anything physical.
Bore me with the details. What happened. What confirms your suspicions?
Hi KAW...yes please fill us in...vent..journal...you will never bore us. It is good to talk openly with your d..I to had a great talk with my d the other night..she said if we don't ever get back together she still knows we are her parents and she's thankful she never had to grow up or witness what most kids do in these sitchs..the screaming and yelling and hate that two people sometimes have..and that made me feel good..I also know what you mean about giving up...I have been feeling that way since h talked to me...then I read your quote and then I thought... I still need to tell h exactly how I feel and go from there.
SOme of us who have been around here for awhile are getting tired...so we need to rest and get our strength back so we can carry on..doing what we feel is right.
OK, I knew this would take some time to compile so I'm been doing it off-line whenever I have a few minutes thru out the day. Its a little tough to put some this down as it was a few days ago D18 and I had our talk and I had some time to mull it over, so I don't what to put my twist on what was said and to do that with broken continuity of doing this at work plus just the context of what was said ... <oi> ... but I'll give it my best shot...
A few posts ago, I mentioned I know CAW used her cell phone to try to call OM back on Oct. 12th (a Sunday evening) and by the timing of the call, I could tell it was after attending D18's candle party. D18 filled in some more info. CAw went outside to make the call but the signal was going thru, so she came back in and asked D18 if she could use her phone to call "... since she could get thru to him." D18 thought the "him" she was refering to was me, so she said sure.
The phone is in the kitchen and while D18 stayed in the living room she could see and hear. CAW dialed and handed it best friend (BF) - they came to party together. D18 heared BF ask for OM by name, then handed the phone to CAW. D18 picked up from discussion after phone call, since BF drove CAW to party, she would take her to OM's place. It was OM's W who answered the phone when BF called, but handed phone to CAW to talk to OM when she asked for him. When OM got on the phone CAw tried to talk to him, but he hung up, then the two of them stormed out of D18's apartment without even saying goodbye to her. D18 was shocked and very hurt by what she just witnessed.
This is the same BF, that last year was against CAW trying to leave the M and pursuing OM. Now it appears she is encouraging it. They work together in a school cafeteria's kitchen and last month D18 was hired on as a cashier. D18 told me how CAW is now frequently "dissing" me to BF but it comes across to D18 as petty stuff and how she is always talking to BF about OM like a little school girl. D18 was hurt again one day when she came around the corner as she heard them talking about him and CAW told her, "You don't want to hear this, so leave." She turned around and walked away.
The petty stuff is her way of rejecting my 180's. For instance, CAW use to give D18 an earful about how I didn't seem to support her having a job because I never ask about it. So I made it part of the dinner convo to ask how her day was. Now she is dissing that I'm always being nosy about what she does at work. To D18, it seems like she is still trying to make me out as a bad guy in order to carry on with OM. D18 also is getting the impression that CAW is trying to provoke me into giving up and filing a "D" as she believes then I would be more cooperative in making a settlement of the split easier.
As far as the warning that CAW may be thinking of moving out, D18 was telling CAW this week how one of her friends moved into a new apartment, CAW perked up some and started asking all kinds of questions more directed about the apartment than interest in friend's move ... where, what it was like and how much was the rent. When D18 answered the last, CAW's comeback was "Its too much." more to herself with an expression D18 took a wistful thinking as she was interested for herself.
So add these pieces to the "gold pocketwatch" piece and to the distant cold shoulder CAW been giving me lately and its no longer telling a story of CAW trying to piece this M together. I know some of you are gonna say this is all circumstantial, but when enough pieces fit together its hard to refute the image portrayed.
Well, I basically run out of time today, so I'll post what I have and will wait for your feedback. Just want you to know that with all this I'm OK ... am looking out for me ... hope to go to the movies this weekend with D's. Just very glum about holding any hope for an outcome of a happy M at this point.
I am so sorry KAW... you and your D must be having a really hard time.
I agree it does sound bad. And CAW should not be mad-mouthing you to her BF, much less in front of your D. But actually when you described the phone call I found it weird that OM hung up on CAW. Could it be that he is trying to break up all contact...? I may have misunderstood but it did not make sense to me to hung up on her that way...
Take good care of yourself and your D. Will see what time brings... {{{{{{KAW}}}}}}
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
so sorry for the turn of events. I have not posted to your thread, but followed it as of late.
Just curious, is D18 her biological D? CAW has really put this child in a unfortunate position.
Did CAW ever actually move out? Maybe she just never got it out of her system. Seems like sometimes, they just need to "get out" to really see the reality of the situation.
I know you are hurting, KAW. Take care of yourself.
