On the girlfriend front, things are going ok, but it is weird going slow to tell the truth. I'm not used to "dating" again and I'm finding myself needing to back off on things that used to be "natural" to do when I was married.
For example, GF went out w/her friends on Saturday and called me around 1 am and we talked for a while. She wanted me to meet them out, but then remembered I had D. On Father's Day, she sent me a text when she got up wishing me a Happy Father's Day.
I haven't heard from her today, but I know she is super stressed out about her job. She hates it there, but needs it to pay the bills. So, I did send one playful text, but left it at that.
So, it is hard for me to sit and let her contact me, but I know I have to do it because we are so new and I don't want to come off as being "needy" and "clingy." Starting over with dating kind of sucks in that area, to tell the truth.
I just have to sit back and wait a bit, which is the part I'm not used to playing.
In any event, when I give her the "gift of missing me" she responds, but it is still something I'm not used to doing.
However, I've learned my personality can be addictitive which in the past led me to be co-dependent in my relationships, so this is a very good learning process for me to be comfortable in my own skin and to know that although I WANT this relationship, I don't NEED it to survive and be happy.
On another note, I'm FINALLY back to exercising after SIX WEEKS off! WAAAAAAAY TOO LONG to be away from exercise. I stopped working out as I focused on finishing up at school (to make up for the NOTHING I did while my D was finalizing during the 1st semester), then I was on vacation, so I've pretty much put my helath and physique to the side.
Well, I've put on more weight because of it, so I decided this weekend that Monday was the day I would stop screwing around and get at it. I lifted and did an interval running session today and it feels GREAT to be back. Tomorrow is day 2 in a row and I'll see how many days I can get in (my longest personal streak was 47 consecutive days a few years ago when I did an hour of cardio daily. Not sure I'll make that one again, but I'll give something a run).
Being fit is important for me and I'm dedicating the next four weeks to see how much of an impact I can make on my body through consistent, intense exercise and by modifying and watching my diet.
Again, I'll keep you all posted and if I ever get a nice looking midsection, I'll be sure to post pictures on FB.
Sounds like you had a great Father's Day...that's wonderful. I had a nice day as well. Had both of my boys with me for Saturday and Sunday - so Sunday morning we made pancakes and then went off to a Chalk Drawing Festival in Pasadena...from there we went to a park and just played for a while.
What else will you be up to this summer? Getting back into exercise sounds like a great plan...and it does wonders for the mind as well as the body...which I know you know...
I know what you mean about dating again...and learning to be in a relationship again. I've been experiencing the newness of it myself - and find myself having to find a way to strike the right balance between taking it slow and allowing things to progress naturally. I'm trying to opt for more of the carpe diem approach.
I'm warming up to the dating thing and we are officially in a relationship. It is funny as she commented on my fb status as being "single." So, I changed it and I could tell she liked it.
Today was D's first swimming lesson and I was there to watch her along w/XW and her BF. It is odd to see them together b/c they make an odd couple, but as long as he keeps her away from me, I'm ok w/it.
So D has lessons for the next two weeks, so I'll be there at 8:30 to watch her and then leave. On the days I have her, I'll get to take her home w/me which is nice.
Otherwise, things are ok. My dog had some issues w/his rear end, so he has to wear a cone and is battling w/very loose bowels. Not a pretty sight and no fun for either of us, I must say.
Oh, well. He should be better in a few days at which point I can officially steam clean the carpets.
Bliax!!! That sounds like a lot of work (dog issue)!!!
So, my Rob grew up and now has a girlfriend???? WOW!!! Congrats!! It's the revenge of the snakes everywhere I look :you, John, Jeff, Kerry, Mike etc etc... xxxx S
Well, the dog is a bit of messy work, but today he's showing signs of getting better, so I'm hoping we're through the worst of it...I'm praying we're through the worst of it, at least.
As for the GF, yes, I guess I am "all growns up" now (thrown in there for you "Swingers" fans). It is good to be in a relationship again, but I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself for now.
On another note, as I sat near my XW today at D's swim lesson, she was cold and dismissive of my presence. She sat and whispered w/her dopey new boyfriend and all I could think of was "I'm so glad I'm away from he. She's way too much work and she's way too screwed up."
She's not overtly rude, but she's not kind either. On the positive side, we do communicate well and she's at least far more "neutral" w/me than ever before.
It has been a long and difficult ride to get here, but I'm glad I'm on my own and away from her. She's far to toxic for me and would only continue to keep me down had I still been with her.
Now that I see your new thread, I'll catch back up with you ASAP.
Yes, get your boys in the pool right away. D is taking lessons at a community center for something like $15 for two weeks. It is a stupid cheap way for them to get introduced.
D and GF met this past weekend and D loves her. GF really enjoyed D as well. There was an interesting bump as X got involved on the 4th when she was talking w/D.
X and D chatted and then X told me at swim lessons that D said GF called X a liar about fireworks. Well, that is completely false as GF isn't that type of person and I would NEVER subject my D to a person like that.
So, today I spoke w/X about it and she got tense w/her body language and was on the defensive. All I did was ask her to trust my judgment about the people I expose D to and to communicate w/me about things D says. I told her I need to do the same w/her when D tells me things.
However, I also pointed out to X that I ALWAYS give her the benefit of the doubt when D tells me things, but I wasn't sure X did the same. So, I asked her to trust me first and for us to make sure we all three talk about issues when D says things so D can learn to be sure to tell the truth as well as know that X and I are working together and we do communicate.
My concern is D will eventually look to play us off of each other if she knows we won't pull her into a conversation with the both of us.
So, how did X react? She said nothing, but her face and body tightened up. It was very clear she felt she was being attacked and lectured by me, but I didn't do that at all. I was firm and clear w/what I wanted and I even thanked her for allowing me to voice my concerns and how I may not be completely correct, but I do want to make sure the two of us are always working in D's best interest regardless of our personal feelings for each other.
I'm sure I'll get a bitchy e-mail and I'm prepping for its arrival. I'll make sure to not get defensive and restate my desire for us to work TOGETHER for D and not take this personally.
I'll admit I did thow a small dig in to her today (just like I did two days ago by telling her "I'll be damned if I'll let our D believe our divorce was all my fault b/c you know well we're both equally at fault and both did our part." I got another one in when X told me of a friend's troubled marriage when I replied "Well, you've got to give her credit for having the courage to try and make it work instead of giving up and running.").
Today's "dig" was an example I used of how I'm careful to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'm not sure she's on the same page w/me. I said: "It is like the time when D told me you let her sleep w/only her pull-up on. I told her I didn't believe you'd do that but regardless, you can't do it when you are w/me. When she tried that same tactic w/you - saying I only let her sleep w/her pull-up on - you wanted to call CPS on me. Instead of trusting me and working w/me, you allowed her to manupulate you. This is why we need to make sure we're talking about these things directly w/D to keep her from working us both."
Needless to say, X didn't like that story very much. However, I don't care b/c I'm going to continue to establish my boundaries while making sure she knows that regardless of what X chooses to do, I'll continue to take the high road and won't throw her (or her boyfriend) under the bus.
So, that's the latest from my world, folks! Hope all is well w/you.
I have D today and tomorrow, but I'll try to catch up w/you all when I can.
Parallel lives, my friend...it's just uncanny...I can't tell you how much it helps to read post this morning - as I've been having quite the week with my STBX. Your calm, reasoned responses - and your commitment to boundaries is fantastic. I think it's especially valuable to point out the ways in which our children might inadvertently play parents against one another - and that's when it's the parent's job to be rational - and give the ex-partner the benefit of the doubt.
