I was talking to an old college friend yesterday, herself divorced (in a much worse divorce than mine), and she suggested that one challenge the WAS might face when confronting a productive DB'er is that "as if" and moving forward defies the WAS's expectations and puts the onus of The Work on her/him. In other words, the WAS needs the LBS to be a wreck, because Wreck Behavior has the nice effect of being a distraction AND a source of continual rationalization for the WAS ("Gosh I'm glad to be getting rid of that"). Thoughts?
I think your old college friend is pretty wise.
So at the end of the day, we can self improve and WAS can see it, awknowlege it, but they themselves might not want to do their own work and own their piece of the relationship.
Maybe they would rather have a blank slate or settle for less or, or, just really so many possibilities not really worth wondering about because, its their choice all the same. More power to them. Though certainly it is a refreshing window for the LBS, lets up some of burden.
Last edited by traveldane; 06/23/0903:23 PM.
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
