Who is this stranger living in my house?

[sandi2]

This is the ONLY thing I would change a tiny bit in how to respond to something he might possibly say:

Then you can remind him that you owe him no explainations b/c you are a single lady who is free to do whatever she wants to do. If he finally gets the idea that his XW is "FREE"........then that may be the first tiny step in opening his eyes

Instead of reminding him that you "are" single......tell him you "will be a D lady and soon to be single and free".

As far as he's concerned, he is free right now! How long will it take before the D is final?

I personally would not make love to a man who disliked me to the point of filing for a divorce! If the man told me that he no longer loved me and wanted another woman....no way in h*ll would I have sex with him! But that is Sandi's feelings. But, I think it goes back to your low self-esteem and trying to win him back, MJ.

Anyway, since you are leaving for a three week trip, that holds all kinds of special possibilities. It could be like a new starting point for you. This is the way I see handling things, okay? If I were you, I would not make any contact what-so-ever during the point of leaving your house until you returned. He "needs" that space and time without seeing or hearing from you. You need it also! You need to go with the intent of having a ball and not thinking about your stitch. You need some emotional healing and some lift in your spirit. So, resist thinking and talking about your stitch while gone on your trip. Don't be calling your H, whatever you do! If you break down and contact him, it will show how weak you are and he will not be one bit impressed. However, if you don't contact him......I think he will notice that! Can you do it? Of course you can do it.....you can do whatever you set your mind to do.

When you return home, that can be a brand new start for you. In fact, you can begin living a new life and if he makes any remarks about it, then tell him you've decided to start living like a single person since you are going to be one soon and why should you act like a "wife" any longer. He needs to get the idea that he will not be the only one that will be "free" from this R. The difference here is that he has more or less committed himself to OW, already, where you could be free to date as many men as you want.....or to go party as often as you like and answer to nobody! Now, that may not be your cup of tea at all.....it wouldn't mine, but I just used that to illistrate my point. GAL can be anything you life. Heck, go to the library and read until closing time or walk the mall or find a friend's house to go spend several hours. Whatever it takes to get you out of that house with him while he's there. He needs to believe he's lost you, MJ. As long as you are playing the role of his "wife", do you think he'll be worried? Nope! He needs to see you out and about having a good time, enjoying life. The point is not to tell him what you are doing. Be very vague....without lying. Don't give details and hesitate when answering as if you are "thinking" about what to say. Remember, you don't owe him any explanations. Does he give you details about his dates with OW? I doubt it! So, you answer with....."Hummmm......I just went to the mall and looked around". It would be the truth, but he has a tiny bit of doubt and wonder if there was somebody you were meeting. Am I telling you to do things that are immoral? No, I'm telling you to become an interesting person who he doesn't see "WIFE" written across her forehead. When we are mysterious, we become intesteing. When we become unavailable, we become interesting. It is human nature. If he thinks you are no longer intested in him.....then more than likely, he'll get his attention back on you again. I can't promise that b/c it doesn't happen each time and that's why you have to be willing to go on and live life as if he will no longer be a part of it.

So, those are my thoughts. Don't know how well I did in expressing them and I hope I didn't give the wrong idea. Maybe you will read my posts better than I interpreted yours...lol.

Hope you have a good trip away from home. If you can, be sure to stay in touch with us so we won't lose that contact. But, if you can't then please come back to the board and catch us up to date.

Take care,
Sandi