K4D Rising

[K4D]

The text was just telling me that D11 had gotten off to church camp for the week. Good idea on the 180 and ambition.

I went to my counseling appointment yesterday. The counselor asked me to think of 3 positive things I could say to someone about myself. So I will think that over this week. He also said that one of my weaknesses was never developing any coping skills outside of drinking or my W. So he also recommended AA as he has worked in programs like that to learn more coping skills.

He asked me if it was easier or harder now with not drinking anymore. I said its a lot harder because now I am facing reality completely sober and I am facing the most difficult situation in my life with out masking it through alcohol. He said that made sense.

He is a nice guy.

I think one of the difficult things about this whole process is that I understand separation to work on the M, but I don't understand W completely bypassing that and going straight to other men without at least giving separation a try first or M counseling. But again, that is beyond my control. I only have control over me and I am putting my faith in God and trying to do the best that I can to build myself out of this rut.

Last night after the appointment a friend of mine called and we went out for chinese and then some shopping. Then I came home and went to bed.

She also majored in pyschology. I asked her what is wrong with me finding happiness in my family. She said nothing but that there is nothing more attractive than some who is not needy and independent and that I do need to have things I enjoy outside of the marriage. She said she expects it to be 2 years before W starts looking back at me. I think the time frame only worries because she is in full dating mode now and could be remarried by that point. But again I have to get away from futurizing and keeping my faith in God that he will restore my M. He is the one that can do it. But I need to make sure I am doing my part.

Tonite I am supposed to go to a divorced and singles meetup group that I have been going to every other week. Tomorrow night is church. Thursday night I get D7 for the night since D11 is away for church camp. I have no idea what I am going to do Friday or Saturday. I know I will have church on Sunday and then get my girls back Sunday night. I might go to an AA meeting on Friday. My C said that I can learn coping skills at AA meetings which could really help me out.

I'm thinking about showing my girls how to play golf. They are tall enough that they might do ok at it.

I am going to move back to New Comers as I am not getting quite the feedback in this section. I will call the new thread K4D Rising #2.

Again, I am thankful for God and everything he does for me and my family.

K4D