Are the Pieces Really Coming Together?

[lostlove]

I'm beginning to wish I had more backbone, but I just don't know where to go from here...

so are you assuming there is something in that box for om?

regarding back bone...it takes a hell of a lot more back bone to fight for a m than it does to throw your hands in the air and say f it!! I'm outta here.

so then just for the fun of it..if you had this "more backbone" that you are referring to, what would you do?

and let's not forget to consider the possible outcomes of that action.

I'm really sorry. Its been tough for me to even type this because there's been so much good stuff on this board lately, I've been hesitant to post about myself.

well damn it I can't be the only one round here who let's ya'll know when things aint so great! We are here for you KAW, for the good the bad and the ugly, share it with us and we'll do our best to pick you back up.

LL

[KutieKat]

first

don't ever be hesitant to post the negative feelings, as you can see from having just visited my thread there are some of us still dealing with lots of negativity. that is why we are here kaw, to pick you up when your down, and for you to do the same when the roles are reversed

well, you don't need a 2x4 to tell you that snooping is bad, right? you have already punished yourself tenfold i am sure for finding out what you did

there are amazing similarities in our sitches if only for the mental conditions of our spouses. i think the nurturer in each of us refuses to leave someone in their time of need because we feel they seriously DON'T know what they are doing

please take the advice you gave me in my thread. take off the hubby hat and put on the friend hat. if one of your very close friends was suffering with a mental condition how would you be treating them?

there was a very good question posed on the board the other day, and now i can't find where i read it, but the question was "what would you be doing different TODAY if you were divorced"

pretty profound eh?

thank you so much for visiting my thread, you brought tears and actually really helped me focus on some key issues

kitti

[KAW]

Darn home dial-up connection...

Before this morning, what's been heavily weighing on my mind is next Monday is our 19th anniversary and I don't have a clue. I'm a bit finacially strapped as I haven't received much help from CAW in that area since the summer, but also I just plumb fresh out of ideas. It doesn't help that lately she has receeded back into her shell a bit planning on going out will be more difficult.

All suggestion are welcomed.

'til later,
KAW

[psluke]

I know where Kitti read the question, it was on my thread. Calystra asked it of me months ago as I was struggling. I agree it has saved me a number of times.

{{{{{{{{{KAW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[nightshade]

Kaw the snooping is such a double wedged thing. I know for experience. It can be great for reassurance, when we just want to feel better and know that things are improving, but we can also get really depressing surprises.
It's funny because for over 20 years I never even thought about snooping. That word didn't exist in my vocabulary. I never checked anythign about rui, he could have millions of phone numbers and women's names in his wallet, I would never check and if I found them by accident it wouldn't worry me one bit.
I actually used to think that there had to be something wrong with that people that as a rule go around their spouses pockets and wallets and all they can get their hands on.
After his first affair - that I wouldn't have gotten confirmation had I not snooped. My aversion for snooping fadded a bit.
The funny thing is that because he knew I never snooped he actually had so many compromising things with him that wasn't even funny. He even used to leave his pager on my my nightable because I have more space - his is filled up with books LOL I could check every single number that paged him, the time, and even listen to messages.
Boy did I snoop at that time. After the affair was over, I still snooped every once in a while, looking for reassurance. It was good to know that nothing else was happening at the same time that I was the changes in our relationship to the better. After a while I stopped. It really isn't my nature to snoop.
Well, to bad I had to resort to that a second time.
Had I not snooped - once more - I wouldn't know anything about the second affair , since this time around there were no changes whatsoever at home. Had I not snopped, I wouldnt have found out that although he had told me it was over, it was still going on.. an on... But ever since it really ended I haven't checked anything again. I really prefer to trust, however sometimes the doubts kind of make us move away from our goal.
But snooping can be negative as it can get us depressed and insecure when we find something that is not pleasant. and I think you are feeling like that right now.
The package should not be in your mind right now, your goals are what should be there. The package might as well be a xmas gift, but that doesn't matter for your situation ... what you're doing to accomplish what you want is what's important right now.
And I don't think you need any more back bone.. look at what you're doing to make your relationship with Caw work!

Do not - I repeat - do not feel hesitant to write, that's what we're all here for, no matter how many things are happening here at the same time. Each person and situation is unique and we do try to address all we can.

SOrry I know that lately I haven't made much sense.. but hey I'll get better soon :)
nigthshade

[hoping]

Kaw........how many times have you picked me up when I feel like maybe I don't belong here.....that is what we are all here for..the support..the friendship..the tears and the good things..kinda like a m should be.
You know the snooping only hurts you more...but I understand that too...needing to see things that we suspect kinda puts a validation on oun suspicions.

Know that I am thinking about you during this struggle and saying a prayer each night for you and CAW...

Sue

[shinybear]

Kaw.....(((((KAW)))))))))))

I'm really torn about what to say here...erased two starts!

KAW this SUCKS!!! ...I honestly don't know what I'd do if I found a gift for OW in this house.

But I DO think that at THIS point I would WANT to know.

So was this package somewhere that you could find it easily?? Is this another not so subtle message from your W?

I'm so darned confused.

Shiny

[psluke]

Did I miss something reading the post?

You don't actually know what is in the package right?

Could it be a gift for your anniversary? Just passing on something Sage told me to do about my ASSumptions. Do a 180 on my own thoughts.

I really don't know enough of the history to be any help here but reading Shiny's post this morning it just hit me, that were you sure the package is for OM?

I hope you have a better day today.

{{{{{{KAW}}}}}}}

[Zoo]

{{{{{KAW}}}}}

I can totally empathize with the need to snoop I know it's wrong and I rarely find anything because H is smart enough not to bring anything tangible into the house. I can go long periods with out feeling the need to do so then WHAM!

H knows I snoop too He SAYS he doesn't care because he has nothing to hide...go figure?

I do agree with the other's though...snooping really doesn't do a whole lot of good since he can almost guarantee some form of disappointment. You either find incriminating evidence and get depressed or you find nothing and drive yourself nuts wondering what they are hiding

I don't agree with your assessment of having no backbone!! You offer too much good advice from such a common sense viewpoint to be spineless You have casued me to pull my head out of the sand on many occasions

I wish I could offer more to help boost your PMA Hopefully just the idea that you are in my thoughts will at least give it a nudge

Zoo

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

KAW,

Hey, Dude.

I'm sending you a 'spine aligning' hug.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((KAW))))))))))))))))))))))))

That do the trick? If not, here's another:
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((KAW))))))))))))))))))))))))

I have to agree with Shiny. I don't know what I'd do if I found a gift like that.

I've got no suggestions. I'm sorry.

Have you ever blown up at her about it?

I am not advocating it, but am wondering if this would be a 180 for you.

You are in my thoughts KAW.

Hugs.