"I've kept it bottled up for more than a year, and this whole thing just got to me."
There is no reason at all to keep it bottled up. But the thing to do is to find an appropriate outlet -- your XH is not the right person. There is no R to work out anymore. You don't need to resolve those problems in your XM because it no longer exists.
I think far more important to co-parenting than roping your XH into therapy (YOUR agenda for a long time which I suspect amounts to some WIN in your mind) is your ability to let go and move on, to dump the view that he still "owes you" in some way (as with the hot tub), and to get past the need to punish him. You are still being somewhat co-dependent on a man in an M, of which neither exist anymore. So, you are putting that on XH. For instance, you still fantasize about "showing him" how far you have come... Have you considered going back to al-anon for awhile?
