Are the Pieces Really Coming Together?

[Zoo]

Afternoon KAW

Just wanted to pop on here with a word of caution...

Before leaving a journal laying around really THINK about what CAW's reaction would be to some of the things you write in it. Ask yourself if this is something that would truly move you forward in your sitch.

I kept a journal during the worst part of my sitch. Actually it was more like a book-long letter because I was using it to talk to H when we weren't speaking. I wrote in it openly in front of H...didn't think nothing of it since he showed no interest in what I was doing.

I ran away for a week when things got to stressful for me. I forgot my journal in the process of packing. I was totally lost without it but never once thought H would read it.

I was wrong.

H said he read it as soon as I walked out the door. He had to know WHY I did nothing but write in "that book" whenever he was around. The big surprise was that the things I wrote were eye-openers for him...it made him see the sitch for what it was and through it H realized exactly how I felt. H had gotten the notion that I didn't really love him but was only with him because of my disability...I wonder WHO gave him that idea???

The first reading of the journal had positive results.

I continued writing in it because H still hadn't committed fully yet and the tension was still too much at times. H read it again...only this time he didn't like what I had to say. Things started spiraling into the badlands again. I threw the darn thing away!

The damage it caused far outweighed any prior progress it had aided

Now I just keep a solution journal and try to keep to just positive statements in it. H doesn't even attempt to read it. Much better all the way around

If your journal is a contrived one...you write in it to purposely guage CAW's reaction...maybe that would work as long as you are fully prepared to accept those reactions.

If your journal is an honest one...you get to pouring all of yourself in it...will it be worth the pain you might feel if CAW doesn't react the way you would like her too??

Don't know if this makes any sense...my head is pounding right now. Like I said...I just wanted to offer a word of caution on this particular idea.


Zoo