I joined the site a few weeks ago after my husband moved out. I'm not sure how everything works, so I have skipped around from place to place. Now, I feel like I have a better grasp of where I should be posting, so here is the background on my unraveling knot:
I am still in shock so much of my life makes no sense right now. My H and I have been married for almost 6 years. We do not have kids (thank God). We are both 30. My H had an affair beginning in Mar 07 and I discovered it Oct of the same year. We went to a C but she was a little weird. He began corresponding with the OW again in 08, but stopped within a few months. In April 09 I found an email that he sent to her that basically said he missed her. When I confronted him, he left for 2 weeks. I didn't handle it well. I called non-stop and was pretty much a mess when we talked. He came back because he had no where else to go. I called a DB coach and I began DBing. I stopped initiating all R talk and began focusing on more positive parts of our marriage. I felt great. We were relaxed and comfortable again. we began having fun together again. Then when I got home on Friday, June 5th, filled with excitement because summer was here (I teach), I discovered that all of my H's stuff was gone. I was shocked. I thought things were improving, but he said he didn't know if he could ever feel the kind of love he once did for me. I have called and cried and begged for him to come home. I know that that is the worst way to handle it, but I've been out of my mind. It's not been easy on him either. He even called to tell me that he is miserable and even vomiting!
I was a mess without a job to distract me from the eerie quiet of my house. I left and went to my parents for a week, which was hard. They only recently heard of any marital problems at all. We kept it from our families thinking foolishly that it was better that way.
The week was in someways productive, but I am having a lot of trouble getting a grip on my emotions. I can hardly deal with the pain and lack of a plan. I want to work on it. I have forgiven the infidelity and have uncovered and taken responsibility for the full spectrum of my contribution to the problems in our M. So, naturally, I want him to come home so we can heal. But, he feels differently.
He has agreed to go to counseling. He wants to see if our marriage can be saved, but will not come home until he sees a lot of evidence in that regard. I am frustrated because I believe that healing will be stifled by living apart. I am not handling the loneliness of this well at all, and it seems to be keeping me from progress. I am becoming aware that gave him total control of my happiness. Yet, what good does it do to realize that, if you don't know how to change it? I need advice from others who have come back from this. Thanks to anyone who lends a hand.
