Could use some insight...long...

[Coach]

W calls in the morning to figure out the plan was for the day, we were going to out to dinner last night. I tell her I'm going to take the k's to the pool and she's welcome to come along...Well this is where it hits the fan...She starts off saying she has a lot to do and is tired...blah blah blah...Then starts going off on how she hates having to do everything by herself and basically how everything is my fault...Let her go on for about five minutes then stop her...Say I've decided dinner doesn't sound like a good idea. She says I'll be fine...I say nope not a good idea I'm not going.

You let her get her way with bad behavior. Just say, "I understand you are tired and it's OK. And dear W you don't have to do everything and everything is not my fault. If you start down this path again I will stop you everytime. If you have something specific you want to talk about I am all for it."

About fifteen minutes later she leaves me a message on how I should go because the k's are really looking forward to it and will be hurt if I don't...so she's trying to guilt me, not a good idea. My guess is the k's knew nothing about the dinner and if they did they didn't say a word to me...So I call her back and tell her no once again, she said she's tired and has a lot to do that's not going to make for a fun dinner.

The stuff in bold is mind reading on your part. You have know idea what your W or kids are thinking, if you want to know just ask. That's your responsibility.

I guess she doesn't get the fact that I'm not going to be blamed for her not getting over herself.

She invited you again and said she took a nap which was the reason she said she wasnt up to it. Yeah you showed her and the kids who's boss. So how did you spend your Fathers Day dinner? You are acting passive-aggressive, not healthy for you VD. This is work for you to do. (I already got the T-shirt)

Then the k's call last night to wish me a happy fathers day again...I know she put them up to it but she said they asked...

Mind reading. Then you discount what your W said. What could she do for you that would be OK?

For example my D wants to do cheerleading this fall instead of soccer, W asks what I think...Tell her if that's what she wants to do why not let her, she says yeah my mom said the same thing...

Yeah I bet her Dad put your MIL up to it.



You are talking, thinking and feeling for other people. You are having conversations in your head. Stop the loop.