Going back to work part-time has really helped me. Now I don't sit around all day wondering if he is going to call me. I have cut off all communication with H other than that which is absolutely necessary - if he wants to talk to me or make arrangements to see me, he is going to have to initiate. The fact that he has NOT attempted to contact me has showed me something as well - detaching from him is NOT bringing him back in my direction - at least not yet.
But I am feeling better about myself - I have lost some weight since I started working and being on my feet for a good portion of the day - I am meeting new people on a daily basis and interacting with them in a way that is good for my self-esteem - I get along well with my co-workers (all of whom are male - it's interesting being the only woman in a male dominated environment). I've tried to stop talking to my son about his father and when S brings him up, I try to be as objective as possible. I have my own income now so if H is late with the child support it doesn't freak me out anymore b/c I know I can still pay the bills. I have regular evening activities and weekend activities and I no longer let myself get upset if H doesn't show up when S has a soccer game or a karate tournament or a church family picnic. In fact I'm not even telling him about those things anymore. If and when H decides he wants to be part of our lives again, we'll take it from there - but I am no longer actively pursuing him nor do I plan on doing so ever again in the future.
