My husband and I have been separated since December of 2003. My son was only 2 months old at that time. Long story, told in the Newcomers forum. But since this forum seems aimed at people who are already separated I thought I would ask for advice from those who may have been there...
Over the course of the years since we separated, the amount he visits us has dropped from every few days to one weekend day each week, to a couple of weekends each month, to not at all for several months in 2007, since he reappeared in our lives it has been about 4 hours a day for one day every 4 to 6 weeks. And he often promises to show up and then doesn't which causes a lot of grief in my household. Our son knows H as daddy, and is very attached to him, but honestly I don't think he is any more attached to him than he is to various other relations that visit us frequently - often more frequently than my H does.
I don't want a divorce - but neither do I want to spend the rest of my life holding on to a non-existent marriage. After 5 1/2 years, I have come to the conclusion that it is probably time to move on. But what I am wondering is how painful is it going to be for my son, considering he has never known my H as a full-time, live-in father? It shouldn't change his life all that much, H's behavior and long working hours over the past few years pretty much guarantees our local family court judge will give me 100% physical custody. But when H does bother to visit us, right now we still have a friendly relationship and can still do things together as a family - which I doubt will continue if we divorce, especially when/if one or both of us move on to other relationships. We have only talked briefly about divorce - H says he doesn't want one either, but that he doesn't foresee us ever living together again - I think he feels that living with us would be more day-to-day responsibility than he wants in his life - he really is married to his job. He doesn't want to give up his 100+ working hours a week lifestyle, and he feels that having a wife and kid at home would "oblige" him to be home more on nights and weekends.
