Honest engine here. He is sober. I know who he is with. The "in" thing now is Organic food and self-help...seriously.
The drugs are attention, escape from our reality and the pursuit of greatness.
You are right though, part of why he is running is because within only a short time with us, we become a regular old family together.
I thank you for your kind words.
I have to take responsibility though. I hedged my bets on the spoiled child. I saw in him what he sees in himself, I just thought he could do both. I also, turned from his admirer and advocate to bitter and critical (out of desperation and fear)...
What keeps me hanging on to the last thread? Same thing as everyone. I don't want the lifestyle that accompanies D. I have lived and loved with H for enough stretches to know it is possible. I believe that marriage is a lifelong commitment (of course contingent upon both partners putting in the effort). I would love to provide a living example for my kids of how two people love and honor each other within a marriage. I would love for my children to live in one household, this is already torture. Plus, our resources are already so diminished. I would love for H and I to both heal with each other (per Imago). The work has to be done regardless. I AM willing to carry the burden IF there are signs of change...they are slow coming. But, they are there.
All of that said, the ache in my gut is gone because I know I will be ok no matter what. And, I know that without us both changing, it can't happen.
