W and I had lunch at one of my favorite places. Conversation had kind of a quiet, somber, relaxed tone to it. I think we're both going through some of the same emotional issues and processing right now. We talked about sleep, alone time (difficult), activities, good times, down times.
Last edited by orangedog; 06/22/0909:33 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
W and I had lunch at one of my favorite places. Conversation had kind of a quiet, somber, relaxed tone to it. I think we're both going through some of the same emotional issues and processing right now. We talked about sleep, alone time (difficult), activities, good times, down times.
OK not great but OK. How are you going to be the TOP Orange Dog next time?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I've been thinking the same thing. OK but not great.
I felt like we were starting on a blank page. We were friendly, respectful and starting to be open but it seems so much has happened we need to get to know one another all over again.
I was guilty of mind-reading this week and it brought me down. In turn, I found out she had a similar time as me and faced the same issues.
We've got a few more interactions scheduled this week. Kids soccer game tomorrow (unless I go on "Brutal hike of the week"), Ch13 atty on Thursday (all business), Kids soccer pictures Thursday, then family together time event on Saturday or Sunday.
Next week 7/1 to 7/5 is family trip. I keep going back and forth on this one. She's reached out a bit so unless some disaster happens (not anticipated) then I will go. I will spend time with in-laws (who still love me) and do my best SP "Friendiness". When we lived in the house, we could function as a family together. I'd like to get it back to that state.
What can I do to make it better? I'm working on it. Partial list:
- Lead out of sad place to happy place. (Let's not dwell, it's ok to have feelings, but let's enjoy our time right now). - Provide a safe place for R to happen. - Confidence. - Competence. - Fairness. - Friendiness.
--
How do I keep expectations out of the picture? It takes so much effort to keep them under control.
Last edited by orangedog; 06/23/0901:45 AM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
bro it's been a while since I've commented your thread, life is busy, sometimes too busy, plus there are alot of newcomers who seem to be in pretty bad shape, have to spread the "love" around ;-)
I looked at your partial list and if you don't mind I will show you how I would prioritize that list because I think it makes a difference and I will start with the #1 quality you need to have:
1. CONFIDENCE
When you're confident, you are strong, you respect yourself (finally), you love yourself (like you always should have), when you are confident you will live life in the direction that you want to (leading) and those that have confidence in you will follow. When you're confident, you are strong and you will provide the security to those around you to trust you and this will be the safe place where good things happen in the relationship. When you are confident you are naturally competent, you'll get whatever needs to be done regardless if you know how or not: you will be focusing on the goal instead of the obstacles infront of that goal. When you're confident in yourself, you are confident in your strength: you will know that being fair to others means being fair to yourself first, be honest with yourself first and never allowing yourself to feel shortchanged in any situation and when you are truly confident in yourself, confident in your strength, abilities and direction in your life you can't help but being friendly to everyone because fear won't be gripping your life anymore and you will be relaxed enough to enjoy your life and allow the right people into it.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
A little light exchange before and after the soccer game.
Tomorrow is meeting with ch13 attys to look at options for me. W will be attending and said she concerned about how things might impact her. I think she's upset that I'm doing this at all because it could open more cans of worms (yeah, it's mind reading but I can hear the tone and see the worry lines). The payment is huge and under the new circumstances I have the possibility to change it (or maybe even eliminate it). I'm certainly not out to get her but redoing the ch13 is part of the package deal she bought that comes with sep and I need to take care of myself on this matter.
-- Bigger picture:
So...other than working on my life, raising my kids, and showing "friendiness" and confidence when W calls me or when we're in the same space...that's it, right?
Last edited by orangedog; 06/24/0911:48 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
So...other than working on my life, raising my kids, and showing "friendiness" and confidence when W calls me or when we're in the same space...that's it, right?
Why the question mark? Does it feel like something is missing from that list?
Yes, it was a question, Smiley. There's so little in the R right now I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing.
So I'm going to rewrite the list as:
Work on my life, raise my kids, show my W "friendiness" when she contacts me, and do it with confidence.
--
Weird unexpected exchange this morning:
BFF was set to pick up kids and take them to morning activities. She arrived a little late (grrr) and as I was headed out the door, I saw W walking through the gate. Huh?
W: "Oh...uh...hi" (smile) I didn't know you'd still be here. I wanted to stop by and say hi to the kids. Sometimes on your days I meet them in the mornings on the way to activities."
ODog: (confused) "Mmm...well they're inside getting their shoes on. Go on in and say hi. I'm on my way to work."
W: "Ok. Nice to see you." (smile and touch on arm like she wanted to hug but wasn't sure).
ODog: "Nice to see you too." (smile back).
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Very long and detailed meeting. I'm tired now. Got down to a few options:
1. Continue as (high payments based on one household). 2. Modify plan to two households (reduced payments). 3. Dismiss my part and file my own (greatly reduced for me maybe even to 0).
W doesn't like this last one because she would still make payments on her portion (but at reduced amount), pay me equity in house in D, and continue making house payments. "That's no fair you get to walk away with maybe no debt, get paid equity for house, and I still have to pay both ch13 and house." I responded. "Well I'm not doing any of this to be mean, but I have to take care of my money."
Current atty. cannot do my indiv portion (conflict of interest to represent both) so I have to consult another to see about separate filing. I'm going to call right now.
Oh and the mood? Distant and businesslike for both of us. She acted a little cheated (dare I say pissy) at the end when she complained she thought it was unfair about the house.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
