Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

Dear Big John,

It makes me sick to think of this woman talking so openly about her EA. The fact that her children know is terrible. I mean, it's bad enough but for the kids' sake.......I really hate they found out. It has nothing to do with "exposing" the A. It has everything to do with the age of your children and the fact that they can't handle what she is doing. I would have flipped if I had been you and heard the three-year old refer to OM and "daddy"! That is carrying it way too far and you can bet that baby has been "taught" to say that. Babies do not know to call a stranger "Daddy OM". So, your wife probably taught the child that b/c she thought it was cute and wanted OM to hear. Makes me sick!!

Sandi,

Thanks for another great post. Yes, I did flip out and was very upset re: D3's comment. When confronted my wife adamantly denied any responsibility for what my daughter said and in fact suggested that my daughter had confused OM name with the name of a classmate of her's whose name sounds the same as OM (only difference is the first letter of the names). I think that is a little too coincidental. Also, back in March, my W had disclosed to my BIL a "beautiful dream" the OM had experienced and told W about in which OM and my W had successfully taken my kids away from me out of state, were living together and he was being a father to my daughter and my sons. Sick stuff. Oh and BTW, when I confronted my wife over D3's comments, she got this "numb" look on her face. Don't know what that means, but I've seen that reaction a couple times now and wondered if it's my wife realizing she's tearing her marriage and family apart herself piece by piece... but can't help herself.

BTW, my wife has NOT disclosed OM to my sons and has put in a lot of effort to keep the EA a secret from them.

I do trust my in-laws to keep the kids away from OM if my W tried to introduce them to him (OM). I suspect that she would n't be so brazen at this juncture, especially with the boys, but then again who knows. My W has already told me that when she becomes single she would never introduce the kids to a new boyfriend until she had a well established relationship (I know, she already thinks she has that with OM!)

Sandi, my W is out of her friggin mind about this OM. She has said before "I love him more than anything else in this world". It's frightening how completely addicted/co-dependent she is to him, it's like he is Jesus to her. I really don't know exactly how she is going to "deal" with the EA by herself and get resolution on her own- she has already said she doesn't want the EA to stop. I just don't think she is strong enough by herself. As I may have mentioned before, my wife is normally passive by nature and leans towards being introverted and co-dependent. I don't know how those qualities could possibly work in my favor in this sitch.

My W has really turned into a mean spirited person since discovery of the EA- even her family members are noticing how remarkably mean and insensitive she is being towards me. Quite a contrast to the woman we all knew before the EA. No gift or card for my B-day in April, no card or Happy Father's Day along with all the other crap.

I understand that my wife has "changed" due to the EA, but is the woman I fell in love with "dead" or is this just a temporary double life persona that has presently taken over my wife? Will she ever come back to being relatively "normal" again? If not, what new behaviors are likely to "stick"? What original behaviors attitudes will survive? From what you can recall, what was your experience like Sandi?