Saturday was relaxing, and I did my own thing while H slept in, and kids just hung out...
Saturday night we all went to a concert (at a festival the boys soccer club puts on). We go every year, as the band we like is there, and they are simply amazing! All five of us love them! We get VIP tickets, and literally stand in a fenced off area w/just soccer club players and parents right under the stage. Young and old, dancing, jammin' and rockin' along side each other! Totally fun!
Well, we get home, after having a blast (it's now about 1:30am), and H asks if I have invited anyone over for Fourth of July. I told him that I hadn't as I didn't realize it was only a few weeks away. I tell him I would, and asked what time he thought I should tell everyone to come. He says he doesn't know. So, I say, "Well, if you'll have the pier in and the boats/waverunners in, then we'll tell them early afternoon, and if not, then it's more early evening cookout and fireworks. You tell me what works." (NOW FOLKS, THAT WAS ALMOST VERBATIM AND NOT DELIVERED WITH ANY KIND OF TONE, EXPECTATION, ETC...) And, H gets PISSED! I ask him what he's getting so mad about. It's a time for an invite, not an argument! He says, "FINE (dont ya love that? LOL), YOU take the boys to their soccer games and camp tomorrow, I AM PUTTING THE F*CKING PIER IN!" I told him that I didn't ask him to put it in, just asked if he thought it would be so I knew when to tell people to come! (GOD!) I tell him I understand it's not going to be easy due to the fact that it was flooded out last year, and will be a project, and he's only home a few days a week, and that's why I don't really care." (Between us DBer's, I ONLY CARE TO KNOW WTF THE REASON IS THAT HE DOESN"T WANT THE PIERS OR OUR BOATS/WAVERUNNERS IN) He says, "if you say another word about it, I'm leaving." (NICE!) I tell him to stay comfortable, as I'm going to go sit in my car in the driveway and scream into the silence for awhile.
So, off I went to my car, screamed, swore, sobbed, but mostly prayed for some guidance with the BEAST!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
(Pay attention... God really does work in HIS own way!)
So, I go back to bed about 40 minutes later and he's asleep.
I wake up early on Sunday am, and get ready, get S9 ready for his game, and go to check my emails for the directions (it's an away game). Lo' and Behold! The game time has been changed to mid-afternoon! (YEA! I'm beat! LONG night!) So, S9 and I head downstairs to make Father's Day breakfast for Dad and the family, and we arrange his gifts on the kitchen table.
S9 brings everyone downstairs, and H looks like he's not thrilled to be awake, but tolerating the scene. We have breakfast, he opens his gifts (loves them), and he goes back upstairs to rest. A few hours later he seeks me out in the house, and asks what time we'll have to leave for S9's game and to take S12 to his soccer camp at the university. I tell him, and he tells me that he's going with, as he has no one to help him put the pier in. I just said, "Oh, good. The boys will be happy that they'll get to spend all of Father's Day with you, and we can drop S12 off for the week together."
So, we dropped it. We go to S9's game (they win!), and then to a phenomenal restaurant in the Chicago suburbs, and H is in love with the place. Tells me that we should open up one of these in our city (he's always wanted a restaurant/bar). I told him I loved it, and thought it was something to look into...
We take S12 to the university for the week, and head back home. Last night we just relaxed, watched a movie, and fell asleep. This am I got up and worked, and then made H's favorite dinner around 1pm, as he was leaving for the week for work. (I had laid out the stuff to make it yesterday, THINKING, he'd be putting in the pier and not wanting to go out!)
So, there we stand.
These little temper tantrums, then commanding me not to talk, ARE STUPID. There's obviously a reason he doesn't want the pier, and boats/waverunners in. JUST TELL ME! They used to be his MOST FAVORITE activity. He bought us a new wakeboard tower boat when we moved in a few years ago. He (in the past) has bought the newest, fastest waverunner every year. Now, he doesn't even want them in? What am I missing? Is he enjoying living in his self created misery?
HELP ME OUT HERE!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I could be all wrong. But from what I've read, it feels like MLCer's often try to detach from everything in theie "old" life. Parents, spouses, kids, hobbies, friends, everything. So even something that seems like it might play right into the MLC lifestyle (I think the Waverunners sound like that to me) has to go. Everything in the old life is evil, and he will do just about anything to get away from it. Maybe because any reminder that things really were not awful makes them ask questions, and aking questions of themselves is not something they are interested in doing.
Now he calls, wants to go over who we're inviting to the 4th of July party, and talked about all the help he's getting to put the pier in. God Help Me!
Is this the "Smile and Wave" everyone's talkin' about?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
MB, Been meaning to get back to you. You need to articulate all the things that make you feel rejected and what makes you feel happy to your husband. Men are dogs we are very trainable, let him know what upsets you and what you like. He is not tostslly responsible for your feelings however it is OK for you to feel the way you do and let him know how his actions make you feel. It's your responsibility to let him know. Just a little step to get out of limboland. You can handle it. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
"Well, if you'll have the pier in and the boats/waverunners in, then we'll tell them early afternoon, and if not, then it's more early evening cookout and fireworks. You tell me what works." (NOW FOLKS, THAT WAS ALMOST VERBATIM AND NOT DELIVERED WITH ANY KIND OF TONE, EXPECTATION, ETC...) And, H gets PISSED! I ask him what he's getting so mad about. It's a time for an invite, not an argument! He says, "FINE (dont ya love that? LOL), YOU take the boys to their soccer games and camp tomorrow, I AM PUTTING THE F*CKING PIER IN!" I told him that I didn't ask him to put it in, just asked if he thought it would be so I knew when to tell people to come! (GOD!) I tell him I understand it's not going to be easy due to the fact that it was flooded out last year, and will be a project, and he's only home a few days a week, and that's why I don't really care." (Between us DBer's, I ONLY CARE TO KNOW WTF THE REASON IS THAT HE DOESN"T WANT THE PIERS OR OUR BOATS/WAVERUNNERS IN) He says, "if you say another word about it, I'm leaving." (NICE!) I tell him to stay comfortable, as I'm going to go sit in my car in the driveway and scream into the silence for awhile.
I've got a few things here that I'll point out...
first off...is this the EXACT CONVO..exactly how it came off..if so..then...
Quote:
I tell him I would, and asked what time he thought I should tell everyone to come. He says he doesn't know. So, I say, "Well, if you'll have the pier in and the boats/waverunners in, then we'll tell them early afternoon, and if not, then it's more early evening cookout and fireworks. You tell me what works."
I believe he took this as you telling him the pier needed to be in..in his fog..he heard.."well, we can't have it early because you don't have the pier in"
so he gets pissed..he took it as nagging..
Quote:
And, H gets PISSED! I ask him what he's getting so mad about. It's a time for an invite, not an argument!
and then I bet this made him more pissed..you dismissed his anger..
Quote:
"FINE (dont ya love that? LOL), YOU take the boys to their soccer games and camp tomorrow, I AM PUTTING THE F*CKING PIER IN!" I told him that I didn't ask him to put it in, just asked if he thought it would be so I knew when to tell people to come! (GOD!) I tell him I understand it's not going to be easy due to the fact that it was flooded out last year, and will be a project, and he's only home a few days a week, and that's why I don't really care."
if you understood that it would be a project and he only has so much time left to get this big project in..then why mention the pier and boats..why not just plan it later?? If you really do not care..then why throw all that in?? maybe deep down you do care when the party is??
Quote:
I tell him to stay comfortable, as I'm going to go sit in my car in the driveway and scream into the silence for awhile.
ahh well..at least you got away from each other..
as I've said before, "we are our own worst enemies"
