Quote: don't know KAW, just know that you're an awesome guy and you deserve the best!
LL thanks for the boost with the kind words and I just don't know either. The fact is in the last year I have rediscovered that I'm happiest when I can give in a loving R ... no holds barred. For a time I had gotten away from being this way and became to self-centered and it coincided when I was most miserable. So I have no desire to become too self-involved again. I do intend to be in a nutured loving R again ... I'm just not sure anymore if that will be with CAW. One thing I do know for sure is that D10 does come first. I will do everthing in my power to make this M survives until she is on her own. I owe her that much. Afterwards ??? Strangely lately and I don't know why, but more than a couple people have come to me and said, "Please watch for yourself, in CAW's state of mind, sooner or later she is probably gonna end up leaving you." I know I'm not suppose to value these opinions much from friends and family, but does plant a seed that can't be eliminated.
From Pam:
Quote: It's a lot of "polarization" (in "psycho-therapist" terms), or what Michele calls the "see-saw effect". The more that one person does of something, the less the other has to do.
Whether or not that's really what they want to do. It seems like you both just get into the "habit", and run on "automatic pilot" with it.
The big question is, how do you tip this "see-saw" into the favor of making your relationship work? How do you change things so that you both have an equal share of the ride? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Of course he didn't post the answer along with this little tidbit.
Thanks Pam for dropping for the "pick me up" and this tidbit. I have been pondering the answer and for me I think for it to end up really working would mean putting an truly ironic twist in it. Sorry don't mean to be vague with this, but I'm not gonna get into that right now as it would be long and draining to dwelve into ... maybe some day soon, I can put it down here ... but not now.
From Jackie:
Quote: Her head knows what to do, but her heart needs to follow, and that takes time.
Jackie, truth be told, this is the crux of all my hope on whether we are gonna make it or not. I'm still willing to give her some more time and hoping she will figure this out on her own. However, if it does come to having to shake things up, I starting to believe its gonna need to be extreme, but again that's getting into that area I don't want to get into right now and don't think I can go there until D10 moves out on her own.
Sue: Yes, OM is very real. I know his name, I know where he lives, I know his phone number, D18 went to school with his S. However, I have never met him in person. They met when they both worked at the school and an EA developed and was noticed by others, including D18. He lost that job in Feb., '02 and that seperation of daily contact between them is what triggered it developing into a PA. In May, she was to move into a rental OM owned next to where he lives which is less than a mile away from where we live. So its quite easy to arrange a meet between them. It all went sour between them in at the end of May. While CAW wouldn't talk about the particulars from what I was able to piece together is he told her to back off for a while as his W was back in town (they're seperate many years but not D) That spurred her to reconsider our M. From her comments over the next nine months, she has tried to bury her feelings for him, but she believes she has those "in love" feelings for him. The only reason she didn't leave is because he never encourage a long term R. He has a rep of being a womanizer, and despite that, she journaled that she believes she can get him to feel the same way for her as she feels for him ... OK, I haven't gone into this much detail about A in a long time and its bringing too much back ... I gotta stop here ...
Sorry all, I gotta regroup.
Just want to say ... Shiny, don't feel bad about asking that question ... I guess I just couldn't hold it in any longer ...
So I have no desire to become too self-involved again. I do intend to be in a nutured loving R again ... I'm just not sure anymore if that will be with CAW. One thing I do know for sure is that D10 does come first. I will do everthing in my power to make this M survives until she is on her own. I owe her that much. Afterwards ??? Strangely lately and I don't know why, but more than a couple people have come to me and said, "Please watch for yourself, in CAW's state of mind, sooner or later she is probably gonna end up leaving you." 
I know I'm not suppose to value these opinions much from friends and family, but does plant a seed that can't be eliminated. 
