Newbie - first post and ?s

[mishka422]

Ashlee,

I was scanning through some of the newcomers posts and your's caught my eye.

You are getting excellent advice. ABSOLUTELY listen to PDT. The advice he gives is wonderful and very to the point.

I'm sorry you are going through all of this. Your H sounds like he is in a very confusing and dark place. What you said about the blowout with his parents sounds like it was a major catalyst for your sitch. Minor issues prior to that probably became way overblown in his head and this is how it came out. Without IC I don't know how he is going to find his way back. The only advice I can give on that is to stay the course you are on.

1)Don't rise to the bait when he picks at you and makes snide comments.

2)Get back in focus on the woman you were when you first met. What has changed about you? What pieces of yourself have you put on a shelf and lost? Trust me....there are some. We all do it while we conform to our M's. Maybe you need to reconnect with some of those things.

3)Do you have a hobby? A group of friends you do activities with? If not..............GET SOME!

4)Definitely be mysterious. That doesn't mean making excuses to be out just to be mysterious. That means not telling him where you are going, who you are going with or when you will be back. You are not required to answer to him just like he isn't required to answer to you for his time.

Loving detachment....absolutely.

I know you are probably looking at my signature line now and thinking "She's blowing smoke. She's D'd now so she was clueless and didn't do it right." You are right in one respect. I am D'd now. It's not what I wanted but it came to a point where that was necessary for a lot of reasons I won't go into. I am a DB success story though. I found the woman I used to be. I found the 'girl' I once was and had lost through nearly 20 years of conforming myself to what I thought my H wanted from me only to find in the end that it was never going to be enough.

You will be a success because you will come out of this a stronger, more assured woman. If that means that your M is saved in the process, more's the better.

Take care of you Ashlee!