It's MY life now!!!........

[Astimegoeson]

(a lot of women on the dance floor but not so many guys).

And where was this casino?

But when they did "I Will Survive", I was definitely singing along and boogyin'!!!

Reminds me, where is my silk shirt....

Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.

Good for you!

[Silent Chrleader]

ROTFALMAO!!!!

Thanks, Astimegoeson. I needed a laugh!!!

((((((hugs))))))

[Silent Chrleader]

My poor H didn't get much of a Father's Day. I was woke up this morning by my Mom who was supposed to pick up S18 and take him to the ferry so he could go spend the day with his Dad. Well, S18 wasn't at the appointed meeting place and when my Mom got hold of him he said he was "in no shape to go". So, S18 stood up H and put my Mom out by having her drive over here (20 minute drive at 6am).

H was obviously disappointed so I hear, and left my Mom a voice mail apologizing and thanking her for her willingness to try. I called and left a message for H saying that I was sorry and I that I would make sure S18 knew of my disappointment as well.

I just talked to my D24 on the phone. She was supposed to come over and bring GD today, but SIL didn't feel like going to work today so they stayed home so I didn't get my "cuddles". She didn't call her Dad either, and gave me a couple lame excuses.

D24 also told me that S18 told her that H and S18 had planned to go to a strip club tonight. How's that for good quality father/son time!!!???

It is all so sad. I know we made mistakes as parents but we did really try to be involved and set a good example and teach our kids right from wrong. And Mother's day evening was the night my S18 took the car for the last time and I had to "kick him out", and now this.......

There is really nothing to draw H back home. I sometimes really think that he is right for his feelings that we were just never meant to be, but we did it anyway. What does he have to come back to? Other than a woman that loves him unconditionally....... but that is not something he values, and likely never will.

Sad. And I know he is probably hurting and angry right now. That doesn't make me happy. Quite the contrary.

I did receive a reply to my e-mail yesterday. He seemed to have misunderstood some things I said in the beginning of the letter (which I didn't include in my post here) about concerns on how the kind of written agreements we were discussing would work with the bankruptcy, and what happens in certain contingencies like death and/or remarriage. So, I replied again him via e-mail clarifying that my thoughts were about logistics on how to do all this, not about complaining or anything like that regarding him. I then ended with this.....

H,

I am really uncomfortable with all this hagleing stuff. So, here is my feelings in a nutshell. Dream house is yours to do with as you please. How you do your will or your life insurance or anything like that is your business. Please do me the courtesy of letting me know if you change these things, so I can make changes if needed, and I will do the same for you. I ask that you allow a legal seperation until such time as either of us wants to remarry, or the end of your Chapter 13, whichever comes first, so I can maintain my benefits. I ask that you do all you can to assure/protect my interests in the main house if that should occur. I ask that you just do your best to treat me with dignity and honor as I have tried to do with you and will continue to do. And I ask that you understand the vulnerable place I am in here, and try to be sensitive to it.

I know you are a good man, and I believe in you, and I trust you will do your best by me.

He did not say anything in his e-mail about what I had said about letting him go with love and hoping he finds love and happiness, except "Thank you, I will."

I haven't had a reply from him on my reply but I don't really expect one.

I've done all I can to surrender and "offer it up" (as my FIL used to say). [Although my L will of course do all she can to see I am protected legally and financially of course.......I'm not talking about offering up my juggular here, Puppy! ] And I've done it for me, for my own health and wellbeing.

On with my life....... living up to my own ideals and principles!

[cire2]

On with my life....... living up to my own ideals and principles!

That's the best we can do!

hang in there...

cire

[dl443322]

T, you are an incredible lady, full of class and compassion and heart. You have a wonderful way with words.

FOllowing your moral compass and doing what feels right to you is always the way to go.

Hang in there, my friend and know that when you put your head on the pillow at night, you did your best, you tried your hardest and whatever happens, you will be ok. I know it.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, (((((cire & BM))))).

Thanks for your warm encouragement.

I am thinking that Mondays are just "down" days for me. I am doing OK, but I felt weepy and depressed much of the day. Luckily I was busy at work so I was able to get past it, but it still gets me when for no apparent reason, I feel fine and then crappy in the space of hours.

H didn't reply to my e-mail. D24 said she did call him after talking to me and he was pretty angry at S18. No surprise there, and I don't blame him. I feel like these are just things that push him further into his cave (if that's possible).

Does anybody see even some remote glimmer of hope that my H might come home?? If so, I'd sure like to hear it, because I am feeling it's pretty hopeless right now.

H's girlfriend who he lives with is the sister of one of the other directors where he works. His work means everything to him, so I don't see him breaking that off. Yet he told me he doesn't love her. Yet in all the discussions about the bankruptcy/divorce/legal sep, he kept talking about the possibility of re-marriage (he used to say that he would never re-marry). When I asked if she was pressuring him, he said "no" and told me that he "absolutely" wasn't planning on re-marrying at this time. The reason he gave for wanting divorce instead of legal sep was "closure of that part of his life", and "nobody would date him if there wasn't at least the possibility of marriage". Does any of this make sense to any of you?

Of course it doesn't, I know. It's MLC. But my C told me that he does not go for the MLC lable because he doesn't think that is a good enough excuse. He said the people he has seen in his practice do this kind of thing are people that turned out whose personal value system did not match that which they were living. So, they sort of have a long standing history of "playing a role" that actually is not reflective of what's inside. C said that there was no way I could have seen this coming and likely nothing I could have done about it, because even after a year with H in therapy, C couldn't read him!

That is so depressing!!!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, I guess nobody sees any hope for my sitch since nobody posted...... can't blame y'all. I don't see any either.

Today was the anniversary of H moving out. Been depressed today, although I tried to look at it with a positive light. I even e-mailed H about it. We had e-mailed a couple times about meeting with lawyers for the bankruptcy, then I sent him this.....

Do you realize that today is the one-year anniversary of your/our independence? One year ago today you moved into your apartment. Perhaps we should have lunch and celebrate this beginning of our new lives......?? And I don't mean that sarcastically either. It is a turning point for both of us that was for the better and should be recognized as such...... if only inside ourselves......

Take care, H.

Backslide?? Yep, probably. He didn't reply. I feel like he's a million miles away and just keeps getting further. I cried a little on D24's shoulder. I am really trying to let it go and move on. I know that's the right thing to do and I know that if I really love him, then I have to let him go because of that love. I am solid in that decision.....But, it hurts. A LOT!

But, I did go to Water Aerobics and D24 brought GD to play in the pool too. GD is 3 months old now, and she just smiles and giggles all the time!! She is just the happiest baby!! Absolutely adorable! She is my shining beacon of joy!

[dl443322]

Hey T, none of us really know what the future holds regarding out h's.

A gentle little 1x1, Sweetie. You keep emailing your h all your thoughts and from a db standpoint, it is not a good idea.

He knows how you feel, you've written it several times in several ways so now I think you should step way back and give him a chance to go through what he needs to.

I really think the best chance anyone has comes when they really and truly let go.

You really need to stop contacting him in any way unless it has to do with the bankruptcy and/or separation. These emails going back and forth really arent good for either of you.

T, let him go and move forward I know its hard, believe me, I do. Today is two years since the bomb and I still struggle sometimes. But there is no communication between us at all except when absolutely necessary and it is better that way.

Just try it. You could do it.

[25yearsmlc]

SC

I'll post more later but kids are with me now and can't get to it. Hold on girl!

Talk to you soon and there is no such thing as a hopeless sitch.. I have not seen your posts in a long time but I recall some movement...

and 2 years ago I assumed I would be single now (or remarried to a brad pitt lookalike but without Angelina as his ex...or Jennifer Aniston. No I want the ex to look lke Rosanne barr...)

Will post later so hold on.

J-

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, ((((BM)))

..... You keep emailing your h all your thoughts and from a db standpoint, it is not a good idea.

Does it count that he e-mailed first? And I really did mean it when I told him that that day should be recognized as a turning point for the better. When I wrote it, I felt pretty good about it because in my mind I was sort of attempting to take the "sting" out of it by turning it around...does that make sense?? You know, like name your enemy and they can't hurt you.....?? I meant it to be sort of "tongue in cheek". Like the other day when we laughed together about him getting a "young chippy" for new wife?? But, then after I sent it, and he didn't reply........ yep, second guessing myself.

I'm just no good at this DB'ing stuff really. I have report cards from kindergarten that all say "talks too much". The door between my brain and mouth is faulty and stuck in the "open" position!

..... He knows how you feel, you've written it several times in several ways so now I think you should step way back and give him a chance to go through what he needs to.

I know......but it's been a year since he moved out and he is further away than ever. Remember, I had gone very dark for some time from March thru May. Then when we talked before and after the lawyers meeting, he had seemed to say that he would think about trying again and that for him to be willing to do that I needed to be willing to "let go", and when I said "what did this meeting mean if not that I am willing to do exactly that". Then, I didn't talk to him at all for two weeks, and then when he contacts me about "the plan" I ask if he is still OK with going the "legal seperation" route, and he says he doesn't think he wants that anymore because he "wants closure of that part of his life".

So, now I am doing my level best to let him go and have told him that will not fight him on any more of this. I have stepped back regarding the dream house, and all of that (a huge thing!!) and told him I no longer begrudge him that and trust that he will do his best by me (and I do feel that he wouldn't do anything to deliberately "shaft me" financially).

I have truly dropped the rope and am trying to let go........it just hurts.