Trying to stay strong

[hopeful_cb]

Update...
So H text me this morning after I was at work and said 'Hi Happy Monday! What are you up to later? are you busy?'

I thought it was a bit too upbeat and bizarre. So left it a while since I was at work and had appointments, etc. Later I said that yes I was busy for a bit after work, how come?

So it turns out he wanted to meet up, but then quickly said he could also do tues or thurs if that is any good. We had talked about maybe doing something for his bday early this week, so I guess this was him following thru. We decided to meet tomorrow bc I said it was better for me. (my only plans were for going to the gym, but hey he didnt need to know that right?)

He then asked if I wanted to go over the bill stuff at the same time of if I'd rather do it another day? Well he was the one that made a point to ask if we could do that separately last week when we spoke so I was a bit confused as how he was acting like it was my suggestion? Anyway just said I didn't mind, so we'll see.

I did want to see H, but didn't know if I wanted to today. I said this to a friend and that I guess this shows my level of 'wantingness'(yes I know I just made that word up) and she said maybe I should replace it with independence?

I guess it would be best not to bring up the issues that upset me on friday night? I mean, what good could it actually do? I just worry I am letting him/them walk all over me and I dont want that either.

I am going to give him the book I got him for his bday since it wasnt here by last week. Hope thats not too much, but I figure its a neutral nice gift and its not like I go around buying things for him ever.

So I think I am just going to be positive, act as if(although its not all acting now!) and show my fun side, but make sure I'm not a push over or not sticking up for myself. I don't expect any serious talk but if it comes up I'll handle it best I can.

Trying to keep with 'no expectations'

I need to catch up on more sleep this week! Also made plans for wed after work to watch a movie with 2 friends looking forward to that. And I am getting back to the gym this week too. And looking for things to fill my weekend with so I'll be busy.