total quarter life mlc

[Sanderika]

mdoodles,

In my sitch the OW knows about me but does not know the magnitude of the R between myself and H. She does not know we are still intimate and have been throughout her entire R with him. She isn't the brightest crayon in the box. She is however mean as a snake.

Here the OW rides H steady for a D from me and M to her. She hasn't been able to get H to move in with her and to me that speaks volumns. She wants him D so bad that she filed D papers on his behalf last fall and had me served on my B-Day! I refused the package and she then worked him over and over and I signed them on Oct. 3rd. to be done with the drama.

I have never made contact with her. She on the other hand seems to be so threatened by me that she leaves me cell messages and once came to my home and told me to stay away from her boyfriend. This was on Nov. 7, 2006. It was a very bad evening. It is too painful for me to tell about, one day I will.

These women are out for one thing and that is a meal-ticket. Regardless of the financial situation at hand they are looking for someone to support them and theirs. Most of them have been down this road before as well. In my sitch OW is D (twice) and got huge settlements in both.

Our H's don't want to marry them and that is when they come running back. That's when they figure out the grass is pretty darn green right here. As the OW become comfortable in their R they let their true colors show and that is the side of them our H's don't like and eventually H will leave for good.

mdoodles....IMO when H calls you, you talk to him. You act upbeat and kind. I have done this so many times. Remember it is my changed good behavior toward H that has kept him from leaving for good. I also am able to listen and not command the conversation. I offer a comeback when I feel I have something valuable to add. I do not ramble about myself or son. ALSO, these guys are in MLC and it is all about them. In their "ME WORLD" they are looking for sympathy and validation and compassion to whatever it is they have on their mind and need to discuss with us. Give it to them. Getting them back will only happen by nurturing their needs and caressing their egos.

When my H calls here he doesn't want to talk to my son, he wants to talk to me. I am feeling the same of your H.

Sounds like being a door mat, huh? IMO this is what works. We have to become the OW. We have to meet their needs in many ways. We have to become the women they want.

The bahavior must be constant at all times. Do not let him see even one side of you he finds unattractive. They are always looking for a route out of town. They are always looking for a way to blame and say I told you so. DO NOT GIVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY. BE THE ONE HE WANTS. It's very hard but I am proof it can be done. I practice what I preach. I have never worked so hard for anything in my life. I think my H and M is worth it so I work hard to keep it going.

If he calls you, it's a good thing!!! It may not seem like it matters, it must or he wouldn't call you. This is where perserverance and patience come into play. Girl, you need to grow strong and muster everything you've got and more. This is really hard work. Once you achieve a place where you are content with your behavior toward H and H is responding (albeit it will be baby steps) don't stop....Maintain, Maintain, Maintain. REMEMBER, your H is always watching you. He watches your appearance and moods very carefully. Even when you think he's not, he is. My H has confessed this. It is true for all MLC men who are on the fence.

I also know at first they think we are putting on an act. It is through constant maintained moods and behaviors that they begin to believe the changes are real and true.

Keep your chin up and come up with a plan you can put into action right away. Don't be quick to get discouraged, this will take some time.

Sanderika