Hi Peace! Hadn`t heard of Joel Olsteen but then I`m in Ireland! I badly need that peace though and, out of all of this, I`m begining to learn my role in creating tranquillity for me and for my kids. Don`t know if H is catching it yet though!
He seems to have the need to rock my boat on a weekly basis at any rate. So today was a week from his last bomb("my mother wants us to stay together so I`m not moving out"!). And I knew this pm when he was following me about the house that he was digging for trouble.
Eventually he came out with "How`s the counselling ging for you" I told him how glad I was to have found my current therapist and how I got a lot of peace from it. Wasn`t at all specific about it though.
He said things like"Why did we ever get married""were you ever happy in our marriage" and I handled those questions well, I thought. I kept on working and stayed calm and didn`t go over the top about how great things had been but smiled and said Yes, there were good times.
He said his mother was on the warpath but I told him it was important for him to make his choices and his own decisions not for her or me to interfere. I told him I couldn`t help him feel better or tell him what to do. I said my controlling things was part of what caused problems for us.
He asked if we`re keeping the marriage as a business like arrangement so. I said I wouldn`t make that decision but that I`m taking things just as they come day by day.
I left plenty of silences. Didn`t fill the gap. Just stayed calmly in his presence working. I sympathised with his difficulties, his need for approval from others but didn`t go any further. I told him I was calmer in myself and that that helped me a lot.
He asked if I spoke to the therapist about him. I said of course, that I mentioned all that was going on in my life but I wouldn`t tell him what she said about us/me/him as that was between the therapist and me.
He asked me what my sister thought of him. Well, I wasn`t going to answer that! I lied and said I don`t know. (Well, technically it isn`t a lie because maybe my sis suddenly had a change of heart in the last day or two though I doubt it!)
I don`t think he got any satisfaction from our conversation. I didn`t get angry or blame and that wasn`t even an effort for me. I left the room first. He left later and said he had to `go into town`-his euphemism for disappearing for a couple of hours.
He did nothing in the house this evening. A little more engaged with the kids than heretofore. But that`s it.
But it doesn`t bother me as much as it used to either.
