Hi T2, I was going to respond on your thread, but it appears to be locked up, I'll do it here...

I "feel" your frustration and I can relate to it too. I can count on two fingers how many times I heard CAW initate ILY since last March and when it came to wanting CAW to meet some of my expectations at the beginning of the year, I was at my wit's end.

The way you refer to H moving back in as "new cohabitation time" gives me the impression that you recognize that your "piecing" is not quite at the reconciliation phase yet. Its more like H is sticking his big toe in the pool to tepidly test the waters. If I remember right you mentioned this is your 2nd attempt at moving back in together. Your H must be feeling even more anxious this time around than last time if it will work. He is nowhere ready to commit to doing a cannonball into the pool, in fact, very few do a cannonball, most sloowwlleee creep their way into the water ... first the ankles ... wait a while ... then the knees .... wait a while ... very gently the crotch area ... wait a while ... and then the navel is another tough one to get past too, ... another words it is a long drawn out process before most start putting 100% recommitment into M.


So what you may interpret as lackadaisical responses to what you expressed you are wishing for are actually his reaction to his fear that you are asking for something he doesn't know if he can offer yet. By moving in, your H is doing the a major acting "as-if" he hopes this works. I hope this doesn't discourage you anymore T2, but basically at this time he is "faking" it until he feels it is for real ... and while he's "faking" it it makes him uncomfortable to offer what you are asking for as the "real" thing.

Its gonna take time. I believe CAW is still wavering in this phase now for at least 10 months. At first I didn't recognize it and didn't realize expressing my expections were making her feel obligated to do them despite being uncomfortable complying and she began to preceive them as more of a burden and becoming more weighed down with "working" at it. It eventually started pushing her away again (along with outside influences I won't get into here) .

As time goes on and you start to put more good times together than there were before, H will start to feel more like it is for real and will become more comfortable that it can work out, so it start to feel "right" to offer some gestures in ways we desire. There have been periods in these last ten months where when CAW feels better about us, that she had made such gestures eventho I have long since ceased keeping any "scorecard" mentality.

So in short T2, put yourself in H's shoes (skin) ... and picture him tip-toeing into the water. Its gonna take a lot longer than Oct., 19th before he gets in past his belly button. If you can envision this, hopefully it will help you find the compassion / patience to wait for H to take that dip with you ... and being human its OK if you tend to get a little "pruny" waiting so long ... but you can recover from getting "pruny" in order to do some laps with H.

I've been piecing this post in between trying to get some work done, so I apologize if it comes out a little rough to read ... ... but I hope my "take" helps you out some...

'til later,
KAW