I know..... it doesn't really matter that a piece of paper says D. Its still somehow hard at this point. Will he just keep doing this (running away) instead of dealing with the problems at hand? How can he change this behaviour if he just leaves. He came over and gave me a big hug....several times today. He said "I miss you too, u know. I am so proud of you and so impressed with all the things you have done since you came here."
Its nice.....but, I am wondering if it wouldn't be easier if he just hated me. This is .......he likes me and he still feels that the only way we can clear the air is to get a D. And.........in a lot of ways, I can understand that. However, now the issue of ME TRUSTING HIM comes up. If he can do this once so out of the blue, then how will I know that he won't do this again. Its a real dilemma for me internally....emotionally. I believe he is a good man. I believe that we work very well together. I mean in the last 3 days, we have accomplished so much stuff that would have taken me a month to do on my own. I think he is attracted to me....
It still is not enough, bc he feels he is "obligated" and does not want to act based on this one fact.
I have been pretty good today. Not pushing. I did ask that he think about what his idea of a marriage is and also, like he took charge of my career (cuz he was better at it), why is he not letting me take charge when it comes to R issues (since I am better at that)?
He said it is a difficult ? to tell me what his idea of a M is. He needs some time to think about it. So, I said ok. The next ?, he answered by saying "yeah that's true and i will have to think about that too".
So we will see what he answers. I do think I am going to be getting this D...bc H feels this is his safety net. So, I get it and I am processing that. I just really wonder what would happen if he spent a couple of months LIVING either with me or around me?
Thanks MJ and mnt_dreams.....You are both right that it is really WONDERFUL that he is noticing and responding positively to the changes I have made and he is already open to trying something else (even though that is not the way I want to go)...its better than him NOT coming all together or him coming here and Not responding to me at all.
