Now, I happen to think your husband has been f.o.s. and completely insincere so far, but what about when he ISN'T f.o.s., and IS sincere? You're going to be "blocked" to him emotionally (and even physiologically), because of this new relationship.
Puppy
So glad you posted and sounds like you're doing good. I agree with you Puppy, but...after 6 years, I mean he's had his chance. He prob. won't be sincere until after he realizes your completely gone, but that's on him, isn't it? I mean if it had been 6 months, I would say the same thing as you Puppy.
I do think though I don't understand how you can be in love with an H and the next week be dating someone else? I think emotionally you may not be as ready as you think. Karen
I completely agree with all that you guys are saying. I'm contemplating all this. It's really scary starting over and likewise its really scary even thinking about getting back with H. #1 H has npt made any sincere change and I don't even knwo anymore if I can have the kind of life I want with him. Because of his total lack of respect for me, he has made OW have zero respect for me. And I'm sure this will continue if we get back together. And then I think H coming back just becasue he's ready to is b.s. Will he run again? That said, I do love and care of H. i think I will probably alsways love and care for him to a certain extent, but I'm feeling like its time to live for me. I'm scare of what his life will be like without me in it, and I really wish him the best. But truth of the matter, I think this has been going on for way too long. And I think now in an alternate universe I am the OW, at least that's how H treats me. he puts all his time and money into caring for another family. I just want to be happy. Pup, I am extremely vulnerable and realllllly scared about getting hurt again and scared of starting over and getting to know someone else. i think all these fears have held me tied to my H and has made me endure so much. My friend totally understands since he's going through the same thing emotionally after coming out of a 9 yr R himself so we have agreed that we will take it slow, hang out and keep each other company. He says I will know when the time is right. The other thing though is that I'm 31 and I don't feel like I want to devote more year to H's b/s. i know some of the things he's says is honest but I am really not receptive to hearing them now. I want to see if this is my blessing sent. And I'm not keeping H on the side, if he goes al well, he was gone already. He was the one to leave so I want him to say gone. He can't try to interfere now if it is that God is opening a door for me. That's selfish on his part.
i was wondering how u were doing....i understand how u are feeling, and u know what? after 6 years, maybe u truly are realizing u are done waiting around for him.
take it very slow. i think its good u were honest with this guy, thats the best way to be and u could always be friends for a while.
think about things like this - if u didnt have this other guy around, how would u feel about your husband saying these things to u? from what i read, he always tells u he wants back...who knows, maybe he will show up with this stuff on the doorstep if he really sees himself losing u finally.
and maybe u will want him and maybe u wont.
i think u are doing well. just make sure u think things through.
sometimes a rebound guy can be a good thing. my friends tell me that just meeting someone, even as a friend, can open your eyes to what we are missing out on.
i think our odd situations somehow seem normal to us over time. and in truth, they are not. we are not living the way married people should, we are not living the way we deserve.
maybe this guy can symbolize that for you, really open your eyes.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
mdoodles, that's it - I really hope that he's just not the rebound guy. That would not be fair to him and I don't think he deserves that. That why's I took time to be alone and to gal after H left and even throughout all these yrs I had never cheated on H or considered anyone else seriously. It would not have been fair to anyone. I think sometimes though we need to move on or moreso I need to move on. I want to be happy. I want someone to call my own. This guy is really a quality person. And I really want to get to know him better. But yes, scared and I hate the fact that H has done me so much wrong that has made me so scared to move on.
And even without this guy I would be thinking the same thing right now about H - that he's full of crap. I think once I made up my mind to do the legal sep that was a turning point for me and I'm so glad I made that decision before I met this guy. H has been saying the same thing and I don't believe a word that he says. he's all games and i'm getting too old to play these games. the # of times H has told me that he's done with OW its unbelievable. I'm completely fed up now and have had enough.
Sounds to me like you've waited long enough, Vicky, and that you have your head screwed on straight about what you're potentially getting into. I say "Godspeed!"
Thanks Pup. Remember how much I second guess myself with the DB thing, well I'm doing that tenfold. I never thought starting over would be so scary. But it is. Will take it slow. Promise. Wish me luck and tons of prayers
Hope everyone is doing well. I've been reading up on everyone's post but haven't been posting lately, which is mainly b/c I'm crazy busy at work.
So update.... my greatgrandmother had a saying that "speak the truth whatever costeth will." and boy oh boy, I wish I didn't speak the truth this time. So last week I had told my H that I was speaking to a friend since he wanted to still come and kiss me etc. and basically continue to cake eat, so I told him he needs to stop that now. Anyway, since then, the man has been getting on my nerve. Oh my H has called begging me not to process the legal separation and to give us another chance and to trust him and that he will do right by me and please please please he's begging me to forgive him, etc. etc. Calling me several times per day, which I'm trying to ignore as much as possible, and even sent a text Mrs. H will you marry me again. And guess what, it is all pissin me off!!! I've been begging him to please leave me alone give me some time. I feel like he is totally making a mockery of our marriage. To be still living with OW and then to be talking about how much you love your wife and you want to remarry etc. Is he for real? All of a sudden? I feel like I'm at a place of total disguss with this man. I'm tired of his BS. And this is not b/c of my new friend.In fact I don't even know where that will head at this point but still I don't want my H back. Too much has happened and I have dedicated way too much of my years to this crap. So last night he called to tell me that he went to our bldg and did some work there. All in all I think he is just trying to get things back to status quo where he couldhave the option to walk back in and out as he pleases. I decided that I will not even bring up the subject of me moving on to him again, just let him fool himself into thinking that his games are working and I'm there waiting, and then he wil go back to his usual self of not giving a damn about me and I kinda welcome that right now. I am still working on getting the legal sep finalized though. It is needed.
I'm even more furious at him now after learning yesterday about an incident that occurred last year. He was suppose to go on vacation with me and instead stood me up, I had to go for work anyway so I went by myself. So while I was away my sister saw his car parked up at OW house and she was furious since she was taking care of some business for us while we were suppose to be away. My sis then went to him at OW house to give him the stuff for him to take care of and my chicken H refused to come out. OW came to the window and my sister exchanged words with her. OW then called the police and made a false report on my sis saying that she treathened her. Now the case is being investigated. My sis has been sayin all along that it had to be H who gave OW her name and H then finally yesterday H admitted that yes that he did. That bastard!! Now he's talking talking about he loves my sis and doesn't want her job to be in jeopardy. My sis is a police officer as well and she has helped H with several tickets. How could he. I am so finished with this man. That's now how you treat family. Just wrong!!!
Ok, need to update your guys on my sitch. So remember I said that H said he was going to move out from OW this weekend and I sure as heck did not believe him. Well, didn't talk to him about it since he said he would. I was even joking with my mom that I would call him todya to find out how his move went. On Sat night he was calling me and I was out with my mom and didn't bother to answer his calls for a while. Then I called him back late the Sat night and he said how he has something for me and wanted me to pick it up. Well I sure wasn't going to go... I'm not that desperate. Then he told me that the Friday night he moved. I was completely shocked but still skeptical, thinking that he probably just moved some of his stuff to try to buy time to cake it since he knows there someone else I'm interested in. But he did in fact move it. Anyway, I told him I would talk to him after church on Sunday. Sunday I didn't bother to call him to get anything. He called me Sunday night and then I gave him the ok to bring whatever it was. He brought over perfume which he knows that I like and two cards with a letter. In the letter he apologized about all that he has done and he knows he's been wrong to me and he just wish I would reconsider working on us and that he wants his marriage and he doesn't want to divorce etc. It was actually really sweet though. He even mentioned that he's looking into going to his cousin's pastor for counseling. I was pretty much disinterested saying that I've heard all of this before. I been honest with him about my other interest and although this guy and I are just friends getting to know each other, H thinks its more. But he knows my strong interest.
Anyway, he then begged to just stay over the night and he would sleep in the basement and I agreed. I turned in and then he came upstairs shortly after and begged to just sleep next to me no hanky panky. And I agreed, why - I'm a total sucker. But I did not sleep well with him next to me at all to be honest. Then this morning one thing led to another and I truly feel awful about. I really want to escape this madness but human beings are def sexual creatures for sure. He wasn't happy though because he said he knows something was missing and that he knows it doesn't change anything and he doesn't have me. I agreed which is true.
Now this afternoon I got a anamyous text from someone saying that "your husband is playing game with u and my friend he is back and forth with u and my friend." I know that has to be from OW. My thought to her text is no crap. I already know that - tell me something new. But H and I did agree that he is not coming back home anytime soon. I don't want him back home soon. And this text is just proof that these people would make my life hell and I'm not ready for that. Anyway, at first I was going to call H because I had already sent him text that I hate how I feel after ML with him. But I decided that you know what... I will not tell H about this text. If I tell him, he will go to OW about it and I just don't want to give her the satisfaction. She must wonder did she get it, what's going on with her. So I decided to not even go to him. I don't want to bring these people madness in my life anymore. Enough darn. I'm trying to escape but keep getting sucked back in.
In hindsight, one positive note is that remember I had a mental deadline of June 30 for H to move. I never did communicate it to him at all and look he moved before the deadline. I can't help but to feel like this is a big baby step but at the same time I don't even know if I want my M anymore. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, it seems like the madness continues.....
talk to me about the anonymous text? how does one send an anonymous text? lol...i know, that is such a minor detail but i thought they always came up with the number. what did it show up as?
anyway, yes, the madness continues....perhaps he woke up when he saw u were serious?
interesting that he moved before your mental deadline.
do u feel he is serious this time?
maybe u do need to take this time to figure out what u want.
its so hard to do, i know, im here trying to figure it out with u.
i have no advice, sorry, these are big decisions and im stuck too.
whats doing with the new guy? anything?
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
