I completely agree with all that you guys are saying. I'm contemplating all this. It's really scary starting over and likewise its really scary even thinking about getting back with H. #1 H has npt made any sincere change and I don't even knwo anymore if I can have the kind of life I want with him. Because of his total lack of respect for me, he has made OW have zero respect for me. And I'm sure this will continue if we get back together. And then I think H coming back just becasue he's ready to is b.s. Will he run again? That said, I do love and care of H. i think I will probably alsways love and care for him to a certain extent, but I'm feeling like its time to live for me. I'm scare of what his life will be like without me in it, and I really wish him the best. But truth of the matter, I think this has been going on for way too long. And I think now in an alternate universe I am the OW, at least that's how H treats me. he puts all his time and money into caring for another family. I just want to be happy. Pup, I am extremely vulnerable and realllllly scared about getting hurt again and scared of starting over and getting to know someone else. i think all these fears have held me tied to my H and has made me endure so much. My friend totally understands since he's going through the same thing emotionally after coming out of a 9 yr R himself so we have agreed that we will take it slow, hang out and keep each other company. He says I will know when the time is right. The other thing though is that I'm 31 and I don't feel like I want to devote more year to H's b/s. i know some of the things he's says is honest but I am really not receptive to hearing them now. I want to see if this is my blessing sent. And I'm not keeping H on the side, if he goes al well, he was gone already. He was the one to leave so I want him to say gone. He can't try to interfere now if it is that God is opening a door for me. That's selfish on his part.
