total quarter life mlc

[Sanderika]

mdoodles, you are not alone.

I am in this same as you. Kissak is dealing with the same, too.

My H left me almost 4 years ago for OW. He is still with same OW. I can't let go either. I don't want to. I love him. I have built my life around him. We are 46, high school sweethearts, a 13 year old son, we own a very successful business together and have built a life together that now spans 30+ years. Let go? How? I can't find the answer.

My H filed for a D on 10/3/08 and then postponed it on January 20th for 6 months telling the judge that he wanted his marriage and to reconcile it w/i the 6 months. Well, we are now in our final 30 days. We have a court date of July 24th. H is still with OW and like you it hurts like he!!. LIKE YOU, I have maintained an intimate relationship with my H for the entire length of his MLC, OW as far as I know knows nothing about it.

My H sees us/me, makes contact with us/me on his terms not mine/ours. Yesterday was Father's Day and I had my son call H on his cell to wish him a happy day, it went straight to voicemail because H was with OW, H hasn't replied. My poor son.

I never call, text, visit H ever. I never ever ask H for anything. H can't seem to stay away for very long. At this point in time we are together 1-2 times per week and talk 2-4 times per week, all when it is his idea. H does not live at home or with OW.

SAD, HUH? How can two people end up here. My guess is one of us is selfish and it's not you or me.

My H and I are very good friends right now. We have gone from down and out and done to having rebuilt our friendship over the past 46 months. Our sex life isn't too shabby either. I want more, I want him home where he belongs. H can't make the leap. Why? Only he knows the answer. I wonder why he can't remove himself from OW's life. I worry he doesn't really want to.

Your H could be mine in behavior. All I know is it is my behavior towards H that keeps him close by. If I were different H would flee for sure. I always treat my H well. I am never confrontational. I never talk of the R and OW. H has without question used me and our home as a safe haven from the storm (aka OW) and her demands and selfish, inconsiderate, immature, needy, insecure behaviors. I feel like I am winning for the most part and then like you have days of despair and fading hope. I have days where I am so sad and lonely and I cry.

I do know what triggered my H MLC. I have actually learned a lot on this journey. I am a better person for having lived it.
I am a whole lot stronger than I was 46 months ago. I have been through he!!. I will never be the same again, if my H returns full time, we have a lot of work to do. It is a challenge I am fully prepared for, as far as H, I doubt it. I imagine I would be right where you are, looking at the crisis all over again. I do not want to go backwards. Forwards is my only plan. I will not move our D along any further than H has brought it. I will however suggest to H in July, if he is still with OW that we end the M gracefully. I can't live like this much longer. I want a H who only wants me. I am very tired and I need closure one way or another.

I disappear from the boards quite often because I find I get cynical about my sitch if I post too much. It does me good to escape from my posting. I haven't been on my thread since April 29th. I have been able to more focus on my problem and work towards a solution alone.

I wish you well.... please take care, I will watch you and keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Sanderika