I know, I know.......I know all the arguments about respect toward her, etc. But, I'm trying to tell you the POV from the WAW and if you want this M saved, then you have to listen to that POV.
Sandi, I absolutely agree that I'm going to have to rely upon your POV the most along with the other "almost" or former WAWs if I'm going to pull my W and I out of this sitch. I am grateful for your counsel. I forgot to add to my previous post above how I handled Fathers Day, which was the wrong way. I took my kids to a BBQ with my sister and her family and left my W home. I reacted that way after my W had made hurtful and disrespectful comments to me on Friday about hating to be around me and not caring for me, etc and wanting a vacation from me. I told her on Father's Day that I preferred to be around people who care about and love me- our family- and that she could sit home and spend time on her new relationship over the phone since she has apparently chosen him over me and the kids. I know, I let my emotions get the better of me. When I got home, she told me that she had actually wanted to go to the BBQ as it was a nice day out. A girlfriend had come over to visit, she spoke on the phone with her dad and yes, also called OM.
Two questions for you: 1) Given what has transpired recently, should I take my two sons to my counselor with me this week? How might my wife react to this? Would it be seen by her as provocative in some way? I am concerned about my boys right now and feel that this would be the right thing to do.
2) Setting some clear boundaries with my wife. Her declaration that she is going to take the kids with her out of state in August to see her family AND go on discrete dates with OM without the kids knowledge I feel is unacceptable. I'm getting mixed signals from her. Yes, she may be baiting me, but I'm also sensing from her an alternating sense that either 1) I'm not going to do anything about it or 2) I'm going to blow a gasket somehow and try to stop her. (And yes, I do know how to legally stop her from taking the kids in that eventuality... but it is not what I want.)
At times, it really seems to be a lot about her rebelling against me. So I'd like some ideas on how to thread this needle- defining concrete boundaries regarding her behavior while not coming off as "controling" while at the same time not feeding off her desire to rebel. I know, it sure seems like a tall order, but any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you again Sandi for your time and insight.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
