Ok, so I haven't written in a while. So I need to give you guys an update on my sitch. Well, how quickly things change. For the longest while I've been feeling like I really need to start seeing someone else, top move on with my life. I feel like I've done the alone thing for 9 months now and prior to H officially leaving the house he was always gone so I have been alone even longer - for years. I need someone of my own goshdarnit. Anyway, so I met someone. I don't know but I got a really good feeling about this guy when I meet him and although I was and still am terrified of dating and bringing someone else into my life, I think this guy is kinda cool. We are taking it really slow. Just being friends right now but there is definitely a good connection. He has a good religious faith and we like the same kind of readings about inner peace and walking with the Lord etc. But did I say I am terrified as hell- butterflies in my stomach. But we have a good time talking and we went out and had a great time which helps. I've been upfront with him about where I am in my sitch with the sep agreement and he kinda understands since he is still recovering from his last R that the girl cheated on him too. I'm nervous about rushing into anything and have a lot of trust issues I'm contending with, but trying to tell myself to take it one day at a time. But scarrrrreeeedddd!!!!
So H, he's getting on my nerve. Saw him last Fri and the cake eater was trying to kiss me and such. I told him no, I will not do that. But then he kept trying to push himself on me even though the guy has not called me in God knows when. Then he went into he's coming back home and all the usual. So finally I told him that I don't want him to do anything for me or to even rush to do that, that I need time to figure things out, and that he asked for time and now I need time. He kept pushing the subject and so I told him that I meet someone and i don't know where its going to go, but I want to give it a fair shot. And that is the truth, I don't know where its going to go, I'm scared of getting hurt again, but this guys is pretty cool, single, progressive, and I think I deserve to give it a fair shot without H interference. This could be God answering my prayers. I think so. H then wanted to hang out later the evening and he wants his marriage and he will fight for it and I'm the piece to his puzzle blah blah blah. I don't want to hear any of it. H had 6 years to figure this out and I feel that he is just saying those things to get me where he wants me to be. I deserve to be happy. I have lived a good life in God's ordinance and I think he will guide me to happiness. H has been texting and calling me and I just want him to stop. I don't believe anything he's saying right now. All of a sudden you know you want me after all these years. Yeah right. Anyway, just wanted to give an update. Thoughts?
